Europe - A Retrospective

Being back in the states is a very strange experience, and not altogether pleasing. I am happy to see people I have been missing, but the place itself doesn't feel good to me anymore. The shops and the cars and the miles of roads and the lack of bicycles and the different air and the change in scenery - it is familiar, but it makes me restless. Playing guitar feels different, and not in the best of ways (although I am hoping with more and more practice, that will rectify itself.) I'm going to try not to be all gloomy-doomy about being back. I have an adorable apartment to decorate, and tons of people I have not yet been able to catch up with. I think those things will help propel me along to get through the year. Also, I want to explore cities here with the same vivacity and excited energy with which I explored cities in Europe. I also want to eat healthier, since I am a little "richer" (harhar) here than I was in Germany. I am excited about the future, but I am also kind of ready to get to a new place - as much as I've loved Austin, I'm ready to get out of Texas. There was a kind of magic in all of my adventures abroad, and (just like I said I would - remember??) of course I am now rose-color-glasses-ing everything. I know there were incredibly difficult times, but right now they seem to be so worth the rest of it all. I just feel very strange. A stranger in my own country. Anyway, I will try to update again once I've been here a while, to see what changes and what stays the same. For now, I just feel restless and a little tired and a little sad.

Just 'cause you feel it, doesn't mean it's there.

When Eric was visiting, he "fixed" my iPod, which has allowed me to delve into the one Radiohead album I *didn't* have on my computer, 'Hail To The Thief.' That is where the title to this post comes from:) Today has been a nice day; I managed to semi-sleep in, with only a little bit of waking up in between falling asleep and finally getting out of bed. Then I took off on my second-to-last bike ride. It's bittersweet, knowing tomorrow will be the last time I get to ride through beautiful Littenweiler, through steep mountains littered with pine-and-other-trees, clouds gently kissing the tops, blue sky background but without the intense heat of the summer sun. The air smells fresh (except the areas where cow and horse poop fills your lungs:-P) and the cool breeze is refreshing, chill without stinging. Sigur Ros was my background music today, and it was low enough not to overpower the whoosh of the wind past my ears. I have to admit, I feel pretty lucky to take the world in the way I do. I know not everybody can experience things, particularly in nature, the way I can. I know it makes me semi-weird, but I also love the richness it gives my life. There are magical moments that become imprinted in me; not that I can remember images exactly, but I know that the moments are changing who I am. The ride today was also easier than usual; I had more energy, and really enjoyed feeling the rise and fall of the hills. I also managed to get up one of 2 impossible hills on my ride! I'll go for the other one tomorrow:) Today, I tried it, but I also tried to shift down into a lower gear, and the lower gears on my roommate's bike just do not work - they always slip out of place and I kind of go out of control for a while:-P So I just have to push with all my own strength. It feels like pushing through thick mud or something, but it's kind of fun! The rest of today, I intend to start packing things away and sifting through all of the stuff I've collected, throwing out a good bit to make sure everything fits. It will take a lot of planning, 'cause I need to figure out what I'll be wearing the next 6 days. I also need to run to the grocery store and make sure I have dinner for tomorrow. Then I'll be seeing a movie tonight with my friend Belinda! Yesterday I saw "Mamma Mia!" (in German, except the songs:-P) with Uli, which was SO much fun. We also made quiche for dinner, which I'd never done, and it was fantaaastic. Tomorrow is a 'finish packing' day, and I'll also be meeting with Maria and Belinda for an ice cream farewell in the evening. Monday is INSANELY busy: I have to get up super early and turn my very last paperwork in to the campus office, come back and immediately start my laundry, then cleancleanclean all day (bathroom, kitchen AND my room). Then I have to pick up Eric from the train station. I can't remember if I've already regaled all of you with these plans haha, but here they are again:-P There is true sadness in my heart that I am leaving this beautiful place; also that I haven't had as much time to do as much as I'd hoped. Still, that just means I'll have to be back! Even on my bike ride today, I imagined bringing my family back to Freiburg in the decades that come, sharing with them a little bit of me. That's how I feel: I am taking a little bit of Freiburg with me, and it's keeping a little bit of me for itself. Anyway, I must get moving; time to soak up as much as I can:)

Oh, how it's been so long/We're so sorry we've been gone.

I am EXHAUSTED so I will keep this semi-short. I am wrapping up my time in Germany, and it's heartbreaking and exciting and difficult and painful and amazing and nostalgic and a million other things. I still need to finish up my notes for a class and turn them in, and to sign myself out of the university and city. I am hoping to accomplish 2/3 of that tomorrow, and then sign out of the uni on Friday. Then this weekend I am going to go through all of my things and throw stuff out and pack, and then I'll be cleaning the kitchen and my room and head to Stuttgart with Eric, and then back to America! It's been such a flurry of a life over here, and I'm curious how I will feel when I'm back in Austin. I don't know if that's home anymore; I'm not sure I know where home is at the moment. But I am not worried; more excited. I'm still kind of reeling from the past month-and-a-week's events, but it gets a little bit easier every day. It was SO nice to have one of my best friends, Eric, visiting these past four days. He headed out to Berlin today (I AM SO JEALOUS) and, like I mentioned, will be back to travel to Stuttgart with me. He said something when we were taking in the scenery on the terrace that I have written in my personal journal many, many times: you really have to be here and experience this for yourself, because cameras and words cannot capture the true glory of it all. Pictures are good for memories, but the eye is the best thing to take it all in. In the four days Eric was here, we accomplished a lot! We explored the town on the first day, and he got to see where I have been studying. Then on the second day, we did our epic 3-hour bike ride through the mountains. Then we did some more exploring in the city, and he bought some really cool fashionable things that made me really want to explore my fashion sense a little more when I'm back in the states and not as poor as dirt. Then the next day was a relaxing hang-out day, and we had super-German cuisine for dinner, followed by a beer on the Dreisam (the river through the town) and a glass of wine at the student favorite, Schlappen. It was a real treat for me to be able to share with someone a glimpse of what I've been up to! Today, after I saw Eric off, I did laundry and played guitar and lazed about. I am hoping to get a ton of sleep tonight, finally. I am supposed to hang out with my roommate David and past-roommate Corinna - I am going to force myself to go, because I am seriously wasted physically so I'm only going to stay an hour or something. But I haven't hung out with David since the first or second month I was here, and he leaves for a vacation in Budapest on Friday, so I won't get to see him again:( As people start heading out, everything gets more and more real. Anywho, there's more floating around in my brain, but nothing coherent:-P For now, I will just say I love music SO SO SO much and am looking forward to really getting all these last little bits tied up so I can just RELAX.

Let's talk about this.

Comment on my last post by "rich" - "Wow, that could be the most consecutive lines of bullshit I've ever read in my life."

I'm not sure who you are, although I can certainly make assumptions. I am trying to be respectful on here and deal with things in an adult manner, and truly this blog is for my friends and family. Seeing as you can clearly be neither, I would appreciate you explaining yourself. What about a person's recovery during a hard time is bullshit? I'm not understanding. Truly, if you have been offended in some way (which I can only imagine you have been, or else why would you take the time and go out of your way to hurt someone?) please share, because I am only trying to share my own experiences.

Hate me so good you can let me out.

A very brief update: for those of you who know me well, you know I'm kind of a crazy earth-mother type, which is part of the reason I've loved Europe so much. The environment around me is SO spectacular. And I feel a deep connection with the earth. Well, if you have read my last post, you know I'm dealing with a ton of pain and anger right now, more than I have ever felt in my life. It kind of culminated for me today, kind of really and truly officially finalized to the point where there is nothing I can do but try to move forward. As if mother earth knew of all of this, there is now a raging, spectacular, furious and beautiful thunderstorm outside. The great streaks of lightning flash through the sky and split the mountains, but the mountains remain, strong and steady and hurt but surviving. And I can tell, as the wind picks up and with the fury of it all, the rain will come and wash everything clean and the earth will be reborn, just like me. It just started in great huge waves that invite me to let it all out with them. There are little drops that sting, and softer drops that come in, steady and steady and steady. There is pain in a thunderstorm, and devestation, and despair, but there is also excitement and there is promise and there is rebirth. I look to this storm, and the ones that are expected to come for the next few days, to represent me, and my own slow and steady and violent and painful and exciting recovery.

I Ain't No Holla-Back Girl: Coming Clean

I have kept myself from posting about this, because I felt like it would be immature and irresponsible to air dirty laundry on a blog for all of my friends and family. Even though it has been the most major development in my life for the past month, since I didn't know what was going to happen, I kept it all to myself. Now that it has come to an end, I am prepared to inform everyone of what has been happening. Of course this is a one-sided interpretation of events, but I am pretty well convinced that the other party's side wouldn't be very enlightening anyway.

At the beginning of the month, on July 1st, Scott informed me he wanted to take a break. I was told to trust him, and that he loved me, and that he believed we would stay together. It hurt like crazy and I didn't understand, but I knew trust had been a huge issue for us for a long time, so I resolved to trust him. I won't go into super-gritty details, I will just say that there were clues that shed light on what was to come, but, sticking to my promise to Scott and myself, I trusted him and assumed the best. I felt that I knew, in my heart, that he loved me, and that we would end up together. The problem is, that was the Scott that I used to know and love. There is a new Scott that isn't the wonderful guy that I used to know. Essentially, I found out through the wonders of Facebook that, despite having held on for the whole month, despite keeping the faith, despite not trying to contact him, despite giving him the space he asked for, despite being the most devoted girlfriend in the history of girlfriends, and despite feeling like I knew in my heart that we must end up together/planning on sending him a happy message mid-week to plan out when we'd get to catch up this weekend; that despite all of this, he had moved on. Without telling me anything first, he had posted that he was in a relationship with a girl who had been messaging him all month. It was the most painful way to "let me know" about this, it was cowardly, and it has ruined the chance we had to salvage an important and wonderful friendship from what was, I had thought, a fantastic nearly-three-year relationship. It's been an incredibly difficult month not having the person I had considered my best friend to consult with. It's been scary and painful, and it has now gotten worse. I only found out about this new relationship of his yesterday; for those of you who have gone through breakups, you can sort of understand what I am dealing with at the moment. I have never known hurt or anger or betrayal as deep as this. It saddens me, and infuriates me. I am in despair for the death of a person I admired and loved so much, I miss the memories we made and can no longer make, and I am engraged at the asshole who has turned my world upside-down. However, even though I have had the most lonely moments I have ever had, as I am having to experience this abroad, particularly after many of my friends have moved away; there is a silver lining. My friends and family who have already heard about this have all joined together in support around me, and it has been so incredibly fantastic and moving to realize how many people love me and care about me. I feel proud to know so many amazingly wonderful and caring people. I feel blessed. Also, though there are indescribably difficult low moments. . .there are excitingly hopeful moments, too. I am single in the prime of my life; I have the opportunity now to meet new people, furnish new friendships, go on dates with crazy liberals (for once in my life!!) and rockstars and all of the other wonderful people I am going to meet. Once I am more removed from the sting of all of this, I will learn from it and be an even better girlfriend the next time around. My possibilities are endless. I can now also totally embrace my plan to travel as soon as I possibly can when I graduate; to think I was going to agree to compromise some of my dreams for a boy as undevoted as Scott is kind of scary, but as my friends have said, it's good that I figured all of this out BEFORE it got to that point. I will not just rip on Scott, of course; he has brought some of the happiest moments into my life, and has helped me through times that I thought I would drown in. That is why this is all so confusing, and why I feel like the wonderful, caring boy who did those things is not the boy who has done this horrible thing to me. Hopefully this update does not seem TOO vindictive or high-school-drama-bitchy, because I don't want to be just another Miley Cyrus acting the fool on the world wide web. That isn't the intent. My intent here is three-fold: 1)I want to let everyone know about this at once, because it hurts for me to have to go through it over and over again; 2)I want to warn other women about this, because I feel kind of like it's my duty to share what I have had to go through; 3)I deserve to be a little bitchy after what I was put through.
In sum, I have had to go through a living hell, and am still living through it at various intervals throughout the day. There are grittier details, but you'll have to ask me in person because I really am not so vindictive as to air my dirty laundry on my blog. The good that comes out of this is that I have found how many amazing people care about me, I am finding my own personal strength, and I have many amazing opportunities now - a clean slate. It's going to be an incredibly difficult year, because everything from concert plans to living arrangements were made with the relationship in mind. But I'm going to reframe it all and reclaim it all. I still have a little over 2 weeks left in Freiburg, and I'm going to live it up as much as I physically can. I still have one more paper to write, notes to type, and manuscript to edit, but I should be done with most school-related responsibilities by the end of the week. Eric arrives Sunday, which is going to be an absolute God-send. I have my guitar, and I'm going to write some songs about this. I also have some amazing music mixes from my dear Margaret, as well as my own choice songs (check out Damien Rice's "Rootless Tree" and "Coconut Skins" if you would like to know about how I'm feeling right now; particularly that first one.) I love you all, and I still even care for the boy that I once knew and fell in love with. I'm sad to see him go, but perhaps, at some day far, far in the future, he'll return and we can be friendly again. Ultimately I am an optimist and feel that people can learn from mistakes and change for the better. At this point, though, that/he isn't my concern. My concern is to better myself and grow out of all of this. I will keep you all posted about my last-week adventures and do a final grade update when I have all of them in:) Love to all and just keep me in your thoughts - I appreciate all the support I receive. I am going to be more than OK, it will just take time.

The random things you find when you're wandering the streets with an awesome friend.

I hope I have mentioned my pal Lindsy from Minnesota on here before, because she is wonderful and I am going to miss her SO SO SO much when she leaves for Sweden on Monday. Anywho, our last Swedish class was today (and I got a 1,7 which, in short, means I'm amazing.) Afterwards, Lindsy and I had dinner at a delicious (and cheap! hooray!) restaurant. Then we decided to wander around Freiburg for a few minutes. Our first randomly awesome discovery was a free art exhibit with toooons of amazing stuff - it's hard to explain it here, but it was really, really cool. Kind of abstract but the figures were recognizable. We got into a discussion about how perspective matters SO much in interpreting anything creative - this discussion kicked off because my favorite picture at the exhibit was an image of two people kissing with some kind of headphones over their ears. I had interpreted it as a guy and girl listening to music, but maybe not the same song, and yet they were still sharing a "moment" that was different for each because of their different music but connected all of the same, since they were kissing. I told this to Lindsy, and she jokingly said, "How do you know those are headphones and not ear-muffs?" I realized that, had that really been her first interpretation, it would totally make sense, as she is from Minnesota, whereas nobody in Texas needs ear-muffs. Plus my obsession with music obviously led me to associate the earphones with those attached to some kind of CD-player. Anyway, very interesting stuff! Then we wandered around a bit more, and finally we came upon the STRANGEST thing I have ever seen. There was music playing, so we started walking down the street towards it, and there were ALL kinds of people, so it looked like a festival. Lindsy said she believed the building they were standing outside of was some kind of art school for teenaged kids, because she would sometimes see/hear orchestras practicing. The band that was playing was probably faculty or just some hired group, 'cause the guys were all old. They were just playing this endless 90's-esque loop, and as we walked on, we discovered the strange part: there were kids, in weird costumes (we believe it was a Greek mythology theme, because there was Hermes and Medusa. . .I think those are the Greek ones anyway haha) standing around, and ALSO jumping out of a window, hooked up to one of those climbing cables, that connected to a tree and they floated down over their classmates towards the tree. What. In. God's. Name. Lindsy and I, still, have NO idea what was happening. We conjecture it was either the aftermath of a school play, or else graduation and these were the seniors being celebrated by. . .jumping out of a 3rd or 4th story window to float down over their classmates. It was the strangest thing ever. Neither Lindsy nor I had a camera, so all we have is this very odd memory of kids jumping out of windows, with a little fog machine running, and just kind of hanging like sad sacks until they got down haha. There were 2 girls who actually tried to look like they were flying down, but the rest really just hung there. Ridiculous. Then, after all the kids had jumped out of the window, the band started playing American Motown. AMAZING. They did "Hit The Road Jack" and "Mustang Sally," and then Lindsy and I had to go. Since I turned in my first Hausarbeit (major research paper worth my entire grade, basically) today, I have now been relaxing and playing guitar. Tomorrow I'm doing a bike ride, and then starting Hausarbeit number 2. I am hoping to finish that by Saturday, and then I'll just have 2 more assignments to finish up (but they aren't too bad.) Then it's relax until I head back home! It's insane how fast this has all gone. I really am going to miss my friends so much who are leaving next week. . .I wish people were hanging around! But it will give me more time to write poetry and guitar and whatnot. OK, bed time!!

Off with his head, man! Off with his head!

Sorry for the morbid-sounding title; it's merely an awesome lyric from an awesome song by an awesome band (if you've been keeping up with my recent posts, you can guess which band:)) After so much productivity, this week has been decidedly less productive:-P However, I have already re-read the text I am writing my first paper on (Herman Melville's "Benito Cereno," for the curious,) and highlighted textual evidence. I am currently elbow-deep in sources that I now have to read through and pull ideas from, and then finally (I am hoping by late tomorrow or Sunday) I will begin the writing process! This first paper isn't actually due until next Saturday, aka a week from tomorrow, but I would much rather finish earlier, start/finish my second paper, and type my notes for one of my classes so that I can be totally DONE and enjoy my last weeks here in Freiburg. My intent was to travel around in my last few weeks here, but I have almost NO money. I am actually very much in trouble, money-wise; I have happily paid for all of my rent that is due before I leave, but I still have to (at the very LEAST) pay for a train ticket to Stuttgart as well as a hostel for 2 nights (that is where my flight takes off from) and also buy food for my last month here haha:-P A quiet plea to any and all of my wonderful readers - if you can contribute ANYthing, monetarily speaking, I will be forever grateful. I am being very careful and no longer eat out at all; unfortunately, the dollar is failing me. Anywho, I am excited to fully utilize my Freiburgian freedom once I have it. A pal of mine, Eric, is going to be visiting me in August, so I get to play hostess which should be a lot of fun. Then in the remaining time, I am hoping to hang out with my roommates (we are all in our little cave-rooms, acting like total hermits, during this crazy busy time.) And of course I will keep up the bike riding and guitar playing. That's just a given! Anywho, I have to stop procrastinating now and get to my research papers. Love you all and - we're in the final stretch!!

Jag mår bra, tack!

So I'm done with Swedish! Our class meets next week to watch a movie, and I *think* to get our exams back, but I did the exam today and feel that it went pretty well!! There was a whole section I had forgotten we even discussed (which is pretty crazy since we spent most of a day on it) so I know I didn't do well on that part, but that was only 10 points out of something like 100 or 150. I'm not too worried. Anywho, now I am taking a BREAK this evening, because ever since I've been back from Berlin, I've been SUPER fleiβig (studious.) I am playing guitar, watching some online TV, listening to Radiohead and going to sleep EARLY. Then in the morning, I have to get up early to make my appointment to move out. It freaks me out that my grand adventure has almost come to an end. Right now I'm scrambling to find a hard case for my guitar so I can safely bring it home; if I can't find one, I am considering selling her. I don't want to, at ALL. We are sisters! But still. I don't want to just take her up in the plane to have her break. Then again, I suppose I can get her fixed if that occurs, and that will probably still be cheaper than buying a new one altogether. We'll see. Then next step is to buy an electric guitar:) Anywho, all I have left in terms of assignments are 2 research papers, typing up some notes, and continuing my editing of manuscript for my book publishing class. Not too shabby!! I should be done with one paper by Sunday, if I can follow my schedule I set out for myself. And then I'll finish the next essay by the end of next week, and then holy cow. . .it'll almost be the end of July. Absolutely. Insane. I am at such a strange juncture right now, where I am excited to go home, but SO sad all at the same time. I just need to live in the moment and enjoy every second I have left here! I leave you today with the REAL setlist from the Berlin show, which I found on an awesome Radiohead fan website:) A week later, and I'm still basking in the glory that is this band.
Berlin - Wuhlheide - July 8th
01. 15 Step
02. Airbag
03. There There
04. All I Need (The one where it started to rain like crazy.)
05. Where I End And You Begin
06. Nude (The first time I called Edward.)
07. Weird Fishes
08. The Gloaming
09. Videotape (The second time I called Edward.)
10. No Surprises (The third time I called Edward!! They played the song we wanted!!)
11. Jigsaw Falling Into Place (The one where the head-bangers got kicked out of our area.)
12. My Iron Lung
13. A Wolf At The Door
14. Reckoner
15. Everything In Its Right Place
16. Bangers And Mash
17. Bodysnatchers
Encore1:
18. Cymbal Rush (The one Thom played by his lonesome.)
19. You And Whose Army
20. Paranoid Android
21. Dollars and Cents
22. Idioteque
Encore 2:
23. House Of Cards
24. The National Anthem
25. Street Spirit (Fade Out)

Berlin Breakdown

Ok, so this is copied over from the "journal" I kept in a word document on my computer, so it's all broken up in days and moments and whatnot. I still don't think I've done justice to the Radiohead show in my rememberance here, so if you have a chance to ask me about it, hopefully my actual voice will be able to express its awesomeness. Ok, here we go!

Berlin

I know I’m going to forget little occurrences, little experiences that are now a part of me. But I’m going to do my best to “re-live” Berlin here in text form. Here we go!

Sunday, July 6th
I woke up at 7 in the morning, despite ANOTHER shoddy night of sleep (hoorah?) Luckily, I was excited and that woke me up. I showered off and grabbed breakfast, which I intended to be big (knowing I wouldn’t really have time for lunch,) but instead my nervous/upset stomach caused me to choke down half a cup of yogurt and half a glass of OJ. OK, I thought, not the best start but here we go. I had packed all of my things the night before, so I just added my bathroom stuff and headed out. I got to the train station about 20 or so minutes early, and figured out which car I was supposed to sit in. I read the preface to ‘Life of Pi,’ which I had borrowed from my pal Margaret. Then the train came, and I boarded. I had a reserved seat, but what I didn’t know is that they put me at this round-table, and a family had decided to try their luck and sit there. I thought, ok, I don’t want to break them up, so I moved to the back and sat in a DIFFERENT reserved seat, not yet QUITE knowing how all that stuff worked. I was by the window, and all of these YOUNG American kids all sat around me. They reminded me of how Scott visited Germany in high school (although I doubt they were older than middle-school age.) They were sweet, and, thankfully, pretty quiet. I stuck my earbuds in and rocked out to Coldplay and, of course, Radiohead. We went along for an hour or two, and then just as I was about to take a nap, we stopped at a stop where about 3 different “groups” boarded. One of them happened to own all of the seats in the back. I knew what I was going to have to do, but felt mean, so I tried to enlist a train attendant to help me kick out whoever was in my seat by faking ignorance. I said, “Ich weiss, dass ich ein Platz reserviert habe, aber nicht welches!” She very kindly said, “Ah ja, du bist in platz 66 – das ist nur da!” Damn, I thought. I thanked her and pushed drearily towards my mean-ness. It was a different group, a grandma and her two granddaughters and a nice older woman. I told them the situation, and they moved around. Still, I felt bad. Luckily the grandma/granddaughters got off in the next stop or two. I enjoyed the scenery and my music for basically the remainder of the trip. I wrote some notes about the scenery stuff – I loved it, although I have to admit, nothing can be the Rhine. That was just GORGEOUS. Anywho, when we pulled into Berlin after six and a half hours, I was anxious. I thought I might try the Bahn system to get nearer to my hotel, and then decided the money was worth the peace of mind/ease, so I settled on a taxi. I got off the train in the Berlin Hauptbahnhof, which is like a freaking MEGA MALL. It was HUMONGOUS, I don’t know how to stress this enough. I made the mental note that I would need to get there really early on Wednesday, to be sure I could find the correct Gleis (track.) Then I trekked out to the taxi area. I saw an empty one pull up with a woman driver, and thought she looked nice so I went for it. I had noticed that the woman who took the taxi before me sat in the front seat, so with only a little hesitation I did, too. She didn’t seem phased! I showed her my address of my hotel, and then we took an approximately 15 or so minute mini-tour! She was SO nice, and we chatted in German about why I was there, and how she had visited New York City, and just everything. She told me some things I needed to see, and then we arrived at my hotel! I thanked her and tipped her and headed in to the Sylter Hof *Berlin.* Let me tell you. . .my hotel is BALLING. It is awesome!!! It’s on a super-main popular street in Berlin, right by Wittenburgplatz which houses the famous shopping center KaDeWe (which I intend to peek into tomorrow.) The receptionists are super sweet, and the keys are so cool – they’re on huge, thick gold keychains with leathery bottoms, and you have to turn them in whenever you go out and reclaim them when you return. The one freak-out I had with check in is that my debit card didn’t work (basically because it was a foreign debit card), but all that meant is that I had to search around for an ATM machine. I found one, and grabbed a pastry on the way home (by the way, for those of you keeping track, in sum today I ate: half a cup of yogurt, half a glass of OJ, a big Snickers bar I failed to mention on the train (blocked it out because the snacks guy was super rude,) and a pastry. Woot.) Then I paid and returned to my FANTASTIC room, with a nice big bathroom, minibar, closet, huge window out into the city and a TV. I grabbed a Coke from the minibar and watched German MTV while snacking on my pastry. I had received a message from Uli’s pal Friederike (and now my friend!) when I arrived that said she hoped I arrived well and would call me later. I spent quite a while in my room, feeling nervous to leave, until finally I had a U-Bahn plan and a place where I wanted to go. I headed out to Wittenburgplatz, found the U, and headed toward Charlottenburg, to see the Charlottenburg Palace. I arrived pretty easily, and followed the convenient signs to where I wanted to be. I took some pictures along the way, and finally got up close to the palace. A nice man on a bike offered to take my picture, and I consented. He said something in German about how you have to ask for help when you travel alone and want these things:) I wandered towards the palace, and saw a gate open on the side, so I checked it out. It was a gate into the palace garden, where I wandered for a bit until I received a call from Friederike! We planned to meet up at about 9:30, and she explained how I would get there. I intended to go home first and change into something cute, but didn’t have time, so I went straight to Schlesisches Tor, which actually wasn’t a “straight” path at all due to construction. But no biggie, I was only lost for about 5 minutes. I climbed out of the tram, and waited to hear from her. A guy friend of hers, Julian, was also going to meet us, but having never met either of them, I wasn’t really sure what they looked like! Friederike was running late because of rain, so at around 10 or so she arrived and we met. She is just a lovely, friendly person! Then Julian came over, and he was also very nice. We headed to a bar that was kind of on a river/dam thing, so it was really pretty. Luckily it had stopped raining for the most part at this point! I ordered a Coke (which was the last thing I had to consume of the day – what a horrible day for eating!) We sat for a while, but as my eyelids got heavier I knew it was time to head home. We all headed back to the Bahnhof together, and Julian and I rode together for a little while until he helped me get on the right track home. I arrived at home at around 1am, and was in bed and asleep at around 2am.

Monday, July 7th
I had set my alarm for 9am to be sure I got to partake in the buffet breakfast I paid for, but for some odd reason woke up at 8am which was sad. I tried falling back asleep, but no dice. I got up, took a shower and got myself all ready, and then headed down to breakfast. It was tasty, and again the workers were super sweet. I had a big roll with butter on half and Nutella on the other, 2 glasses of multi-vitamin drink (which is SO tasty,) a peach and a bowl of cereal. Not too shabby! Then I came back upstairs, organized myself, and headed out to meet Friederike at Postdamer Platz. When I got to the Wittenburgplatz Bahnhof, the Deutsches Red Cross was standing outside trying to get some money. A friendly guy from Austria, Lukas, introduced himself and gave me the spiel. He was super sweet, and I felt so bad but I obviously knew it would be difficult for me to contribute every month since I’m leaving in a month. Plus, then I realized I don’t even have a German bank account! I told him, and he brought over one of his “associates” who was tall and blond and he said, “Aww that’s too bad!” but then they both told me how nice I was, and shook my hand before I left. It was my ego-boost for the morning! The tram went quickly, and I was early, so I walked around and got to see on the ground where the Berliner Mauer (Berlin Wall) had stood. Then I wandered to the main exit for the Bahnhof, and there were actually pieces of the wall on display. It was really cool to see, AND there was a guy dressed in guard clothes “stamping passports” the way they used to when you really had to cross from West to East Berlin or whichever way you were crossing. I paid the 2 Euros and now own a passport with all kinds of stamps! Coooool:) Then I met Friederike, and we headed out. First we walked towards a Holocaust Memorial, with 2,000-some different sized concrete blocks in different heights and tilted and it was really quite powerful to see. We caught the end of an English-version tour about it, and the tour guide did a good job handling material, I thought. Unfortunately the museum was closed, so that was a no-go. After that, we went to Dem Deutschen Volke, and we were going to climb up and see a good view of Berlin, but the line was too long and I decided my time was too short. However, there were some AWESOME street performers all dressed in black with white masks, all a part of one giant skinny orange tubey puppet! I’ll try to post a picture later. Then we headed towards Unter den Linden, a really famous street in Berlin. We passed the new American embassy, and of course saw the Brandenburg Gate. We headed along on Unter den Linden, passing embassies (the most impressive being the Russian, which was HUGE,) a VW store, the Berlin Castle and the Berlin Opera (which was really gorgeous) and Humboldt Universitaet. Then we came to the Dom, and by this time we were STARVING. So we paused for a minute but then headed down another street, passing museums of all kinds, until we got to a tram stop. I tried to buy water while we waited, but JUST as I got to the cash register, the train pulled up so I left the water and ran. We got pizza at a place Friederike loves, in an area of East Berlin where apparently a lot of artists live! After that, we stopped in at a boutique called “Kauf Dich Gluecklich” (Shop Yourself Happy – so appropriate!) I found the PERFECT shirt there (sorry for all of these caps, I just need to explain how important all of these things are:-P) It’s long and black, with flowers all over the top and cute butterfly sleeves, and and and (here comes the best part) on the bottom, it has a graphic with piano keys, with cats running all over them, and a big music note in the middle!!! Music and cats, people. It was the last one in the store, and Friederike and I agreed it was made for me. I got it, and will forever remember Berlin when I wear it:) Then we headed towards another part of the city, where there were tons of shops and cafes and a cemetery. Then we headed to a Bahnhof in the area, where Friederike just had enough time to point me in the direction of the Jewish Museum before she had to literally run to her tram so she could pick up her brother from school. I got on a tram, got off on the right stop, and headed towards the museum, a little less confident without my tour guide (despite pulling off solo-touring the day before.) As I walked along, a man was walking in my direction, and we accidentally locked eyes so I smiled. I was heading on my way, when he stops and starts talking to me. I was a little freaked out, because I could have sworn he had a gold purse in his hands (it turned out it was just a canvas bag, ridiculous me) so I thought he was eccentric:P Really, he was just Joe, from France, now living in Berlin as a cook! He stopped me because he wanted to take me out for coffee or something. I was a little suspicious and am also unavailable, but I thought it was sweet and felt happy that he thought I was so pretty! He ended up escorting me to the Jewish Museum and we talked about where he was living in Berlin, and how he had a friend in California and stuff. He told me I speak wonderful German (something I keep hearing from everyone – huzzah!! I have arrived:)) He pointed out the Jewish Museum, and gave me his number in the event that I changed my mind about coffee. Then I headed towards the gray, jarring building that is the Jewish Museum. The portion dedicated to memorializing the Holocaust was very moving, but I also liked that the museum was meant to celebrate Jewish life, and not just victimize an entire culture (overheard a tour guide saying this, and really felt it, too.) However, I was EXHAUSTED from walking around all day, so I kind of rushed through. I spent an hour and a half there, and then decided it was time to trek home. I did, and then came the ridiculous excursion that was ordering pizza to a hotel. It took me three tries before I found anyone who could do it, but it was worth it – I ate my fill of (more) pizza and about half a pint of Haagen Dazs. The lovely receptionist working even brought me up a spoon! So glad I asked, it saved me the time and energy of going out to try to find one! I watched German TV, or rather, a German-dubbed version of “Under The Tuscan Sun.” I’ve never seen it, but now I want to (not because I didn’t understand the German version, but because I finally turned it off because it was distracting me from recounting my day!) Right now, it is dark outside as I look out my window. Berlin is a fantastic city, and I truly think I could live here for a while. But I would want some kind of family or close group of friends here, because it is wonderful to be the queen of your hotel room, but quite lonely, too. I miss so many people right now, and I don’t want that to get in the way of my last month of experiences here, but it is hard not to be excited about being back to life in Austin. I will add the Radiohead experience tomorrow when I’m back, because I have a feeling I won’t want to sleep right away:) And then, of course, I will just have the trip on the train home (another six and a half hours,) and then SO much homework it’s going to make my head spin, I know it. But I’ll take care of it, and moving out business, and everything else I need to do by the end of July. I’ll keep riding my bike with Lindsy and on my own, keep hanging out with Margaret and Maria and David and everyone else, and before I know it, August will be here and I will have 2 weeks until I get to hug you all again, with my arms or with words of love from your own continent:) I will say that I miss playing guitar TERRIBLY. I want nothing more than to belt out a Radiohead song in preparation for tomorrow! Anyway, I’m exhausted so it’s time for bed. See you after tomorrow!!

Tuesday, July 8th
I tried to sleep in, but (as usual these past few days) sleep didn’t come very easily so I was up at around 8:30am. I showered, and realized my toilet was broken (the flusher was a button, and it had fallen in.) I decided to deal with it later, or see if the housekeeping would notice and take care of it for me. I grabbed my things, and went to have breakfast. Just ran upstairs quickly to brush teeth, and I was out for my day. Friederike and I decided to meet at noon, so I wanted to do something nearby that would take up time. I went to the famous shopping center, KaDeWe, and it really was ginormous! Stories and stories of expensive stuff. The bathroom was even one of those fancy ones with people who wait on you. The woman there didn’t really do anything, but I left a tip anyway, because it seemed appropriate. Then I continued wandering around. They had tons of books, music, and videos, but my favorites were the journals. They were really beautiful! Very intricate designs. I went down to the clothes area, and they really had some amazingly cute stuff, but nothing in my size (which was good, because everything was SO expensive!!! Like, 350 Euros-which-translates-to-close-to-650-dollars expensive.) I went back up to the entertainment section before I left, and bought a cheap collection of Simon and Garfunkel CDs – 5 CDs and a DVD for only 30 Euro!! Yay:) I forgot to mention – saw my pal Lukas from the Deutsches Red Cross again, so I said hi. Apparently they had luck the previous day! Good for them. Then, after I was all done shopping and whatnot, I went to the station where I waited for Friederike. From there, we started walking towards a cafe, but it started to POUR rain so we switched to a different cafe, and I’m glad we did. It was called Cafe Bilder-something, and it was SO COOL! They were playing super old American songs, from the 20s it sounded like, and they had books all around and board games to pull out. I got tortellini there that was super tasty, and had to take some of it back to the hotel. Then Friederike’s sister joined us, and they took me to the bus stop where I hopped on and got back to my place. Then I decided to rest, until Radiohead.

As I was taking the tram over, I started to pick out the people who were going to the concert. I heard English, French, Italian, lots of German and even some Swedish! Even though the doors opened at 5pm, I left my hotel at just before 5pm, which put me at Wulheide at around 6pm. This was PERFECT. I was able to get about 50 feet or less from the stage, in the center. I sat until around 7pm, when Modeselektor was supposed to come on. They were a little late, but not too bad. They’re an electronic band from Berlin, and although I am not a huge fan, their beats were cool and they had cool samples (including a really cool Bjork sample!) When they left the stage, of course it got a little more crowded but it was kind of nice. A couple of German guys scooched to my left, and I was glad because they were really entertaining. Just before Radiohead came on, it started to rain. Throughout the entire concert, in fact, it decided to pour at various intervals. Honestly. . .I loved it. It was perfect! Thom Yorke even said later, “Sorry about the rain, but it is a Radiohead show.” Anywho, their set was awesome – individual sets of silver bars came swooping across the stage to hang down in vertical lines. They were like layers and layers of curtains, and they really set the tone. Finally, after chanting and excitement and waiting and rain, the band took the stage and kicked it off with ‘15 Step’, which is what I thought they might do! It was, of course, phenomenal. Then it was ‘Airbag,’ one of my favorite songs of late, but unfortunately the song was semi-ruined by some jerks who pushed their way in front and blocked my view (they were all SUPER tall.) I didn’t mind them nearly as much as these other two guys who tagged along with them – they moshed, like violently, the entire time they stood by my little group of people, thoroughly pissing ALL of us off. Eventually, during another of my favorite songs, they were told to get the hell out and left. Anywho, my memory is a little shady on all of the songs but I’ll try to remember as many as I can, in the best order I can: ‘All I Need’ (the rain was POURING and I started to cry and it was kind of a perfect, bittersweet moment;) ‘Nude,’ ‘Bodysnatchers,’ ‘Videotape,’ ‘No Surprises,’ ‘Street Spirit (Fade Out),’ ‘The National Anthem,’ ‘You And Whose Army?’ ‘My Iron Lung,’ ‘I Might Be Wrong,’ ‘Weird Fishes/Arpeggi,’ ‘Reckoner,’ ‘House Of Cards,’ ‘Jigsaw Falling Into Place,’ ‘Everything In Its Right Place,’ ‘Idioteque,’ ‘Paranoid Android,’ and probably a few more I’m missing. Also the order is TOTALLY wrong, only the first two were easy for me to remember the order. And then the first few in my list are KIND of in order, but after ‘No Surprises’ it’s just random. During a solo-Yorke song that I didn’t recognize, Thom messed up the first 2 times he tried to start the song. We all cheered him on, and he laughed and said, “Why don’t you all come up here and do it?” Also, at the very end after the final song of the final encore, Thom said, “Goodnight, darling!” to us all. So sweet, such a lovely bunch of guys:) Anyway, the setting was AWESOME, amazing lights, great crowd (minus nasty violent guys,) amazing songs. . .they did ‘No Surprises’ which is the one I had asked for in my head before the show, so I totally felt like we were on the same wavelength! (They have SO many songs, they really could have skipped it.) There are still so many more I want to hear live! Basically I just need to seem them live again and again until I hear all the ones I want:) I bought a shirt at the very beginning which I LOVE and I’m just so happy, but now I’m exhausted. I wish I could share more vividly how incredible the show was, because Thom Yorke is such an artist and he really feels the music when he plays – you can tell by the way he moves. Jonny Greenwood was incredible, the whole band was incredible. It was beautiful and wonderful and I can’t wait until the next time!! For now, I need to sleep because I am leaving Berlin early, early, EARLY in the morning. Farewell to a fabulous city that helped me rebuild myself.

Bruises that won't heal/You look so tired, unhappy/Bring down the Government/They don't, they don't speak for us.

The title today comes from a Radiohead song that I ADORE ("No Surprises.") I felt it was appropriate, as it had a little bit of a political meaning and it *is* (or was, as it is now midnight/the 5th of July in Germany) a holiday. I came on to write about the holiday, actually, because it was obviously a lot different to be in another country during your home country's "birthday."
I was going to have a grill party with a group of Americans, but my pal Margaret from the group said that everyone seemed to mostly just want to drink, and that wasn't what we were up for. So instead, we had dinner with a group of my international buddies. Maria from Sweden, Salem from Syria, Hallmeck (I hope I spelled her name right!!) from Armenia, a new fellow from Turkey I had never met, James from the US, and of course Margaret and I ate at this restaurant in Freiburg called Brennessel. We didn't really eat anything particularly American, although there were french fries offered (which, despite the name, I deem quite typically American.) In fact, I had Spaetzle, which is basically completely German. But in a way, it was celebrating some of our roots! So there. Then we went for ice cream, and sang a few classic American tunes along the way. Still, there were no fireworks and we ended the night pretty early. But we did talk about politics a little, and it is so interesting for me to realize how important American politics are to the entire world. It really affects everyone! We are quite a global community.
My time in Germany is quickly coming to a close. I have about a month and a half (a little less now) left. It's crazy! I'm excited to go home and be with all of my friends and loved ones, yet I know how I will miss Germany. My heart will ache for it, of that I'm sure. The landscape particularly - my bike rides are absolutely my new passion (and are also making my legs look amazing.) The first half is always uphill and a little bit more like work, but the ride back is ALWAYS gorgeous - I just lose myself in the scenery, coasting downhill almost the entire way home. I'm going on a ride in the morning with another American friend of mine, Lindsy. And then I will meet Margaret for dinner (we might hit up a flea market, but because I didn't do NEARLY as much homework today as I had planned, I'm thinking I might be forced to skip it.) Then it's packing like crazy, and getting to bed early. I've already got butterflies about Berlin, both excited and nervous. Adventures like this are always a little bit scary, but I've already got a contact I get to hang with for Sunday evening AND Monday:) Wunderbar! Then Tuesday is Radiohead at Wulheide stadium. I'm just in disbelief that I get to see them, in Berlin. It's crazy. It's going to be amazing.
On a more personal note, I haven't binged ALL week. This is particularly impressive, considering it's been one of the most stressful and difficult weeks of my life. I have to fight the urge sometimes, but I've been able to thus far and I am certainly proud. Still, it's a bit of an emotional roller coaster in my life right now. All I know is, I expect to grow from all of my experiences. Maybe this last month will be the month of the most growth of all. We shall see.
In the next month, I have 2 papers to write, tons of manuscript to edit, Swedish to finish/tests to take, and more stuff to read. But I can manage. I bought two "fun" books today for the trip to Berlin (which is a 6+ hour train ride, both ways.) One was 'The Little Prince,' and the other was a collection of shorts stories by Irish women. I'm excited! Plus I'm borrowing Margaret's copies of "The Life of Pi" and "11 Minutes." This will also be nice, because I don't think I'll be doing much of the nightlife in Berlin (aside from my concert). In a place like Cologne, I didn't feel too bad walking around on my own, plus I stayed in a youth hostel so I met friends there and could hang with them. In Berlin, the city is HUGE and I definitely don't feel safe walking alone. But maybe if my contact there decides to go out, I will go with! We'll just have to wait and see. I'm going to try to not spend too much money; the only stuff I want is food, and a Radiohead t-shirt. That should be enough. I'm borrowing my friend Maria's digital camera, and bought a throw-away for the Radiohead show, so I will hopefully be able to post pictures! OK, it's getting late and I have to get up early. I'll definitely be back to update after Berlin. Vi ses!

FINALE! FINALE! FINALE!

Germany won their semi-final match against Turkey this evening. They will be playing in the FINALS on SUNDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What an amazing game :) And it was so fun to watch it out with other people! A great night!!!

You thought you might be a ghost, you thought you might be a ghost!

I don't care what ANYbody says, I am loving this new Coldplay album! Anywho, I know I haven't updated for ages - that's because it's been a rough couple of weeks full of personal problems and HOMEWORK. However, things are looking WAY WAY WAY up. I feel like I have solid groups of friends now, I'm quite focused in my classes but at the same time try to plan in fun time (for example, after I finished an assignment for a class this evening, I watched some online television - wonderful!) Mostly, I want to update about last Saturday, because it was AWESOME.

Saturday, June 21st -
The day started off with a bike ride. My friend from Minnesota, Lindsy, and I met at around noon by the stream that runs through the city, called the Dreisam. I followed her (since she already knew the path she wanted to take) along the beautiful stream through low, shady trees and past little families out for a walk. It reminded me of Austin, with people stretched out near the water on towels (it was VERY hot on Saturday.) We stopped off at Lindsy's apartment in Littenweiler to refill water bottles and put on some stroooong sunscreen (it was the mineral stuff that lifeguards use on their noses, but I used it on my whole face; I looked like a ghost:-P) Then we were back on the road. The next part was the best, most gorgeous part. We rode through fields of grain and crops, past tractors and dogs and other people on bikes. It was SO picturesque, I can't even begin to describe it. Unfortunately, my camera might be broken - I'll know after I buy some new batteries today. If it is, I'll just have to get some throwaway cameras, in which case I will take pictures very sparingly because I don't really want to spend a lot of money on that. I'm not stressed about money anymore, but I still realize the reality that I may not be able to do as much traveling at the end of my stay as I had hoped/planned. We'll see. At least I will be able to survive in Freiburg until the end, if nothing else. I'm just really, really hoping to get to Sweden or Norway or Scotland (or all three?) Anyway, I digress. The whole way to our destination was uphill, so the ride back was WONDERFUL. After I returned home, I showered and got ready for the evening, which was to be a Swedish Midsommar fest hosted by my pal Maria (she's from Stockholm.) Lindsy joined me for that, as well, and we ran into our Norwegian friend Eivind on the way to the festival site. My tandem partner Maike, her roommate Silke and her boyfriend (I don't remember his name) were all there, along with Salem, one of Maria's friends. We all went and bought some typical Swedish food, and then headed towards the Seepark, where we were having our picnic. It was GORGEOUS. Looked just like Barton Springs, only as big as Lake Austin or something. It was fantastic! We threw down some blankets and took our shoes off and it felt kind of like the fourth of July! Maria and I sung a few Swedish folk tunes and danced around a bit, and we ate and told stories and everyone got to know each other better. We also played this fantastic game - basically just catch, but with an apple! Hooray for improvisation:) As the night drew to a close, Maria sang to us. It was this gorgeous Swedish lullaby, and as we all joined it is was quite a beautiful choir of voices! Then we all said our goodbyes, and Eivind, Maria, Salem, Lindsy and I walked towards the tram stop. On the way, we women picked flowers to put under our pillow at night, because it was the night when we would supposedly dream of our future husband (apparently, this wasn't my year to find out - I only dreamt of animals and what I needed to do in the coming week:-P) We also discovered that Russia had beat the Netherlands in the fussball (soccer) game that evening (a HUGE upset, for those not following the tournament.) Then we headed home! A wonderful, wonderful day that was followed by a day of relaxing to regain all of my lost energy:-P

Tonight is the semi-final between Turkey and Germany, so it's going to be CRAZY this evening, particularly if we win!! I really hope Germany wins, I think it'd be so cool to be here when Germany was in the finals. When I'm in town today, I'm thinking of picking up either a German flag or a shirt or something, to commemorate how far the team has come. It's still early, though, so for now I'm heading out on a mini-bike ride, just to get some exercise. Then I'll need to shower and have lunch, and do a little homework before I meet my tandem partner in the city and do the shopping I need to do today. I am sad I don't have time to recount Saturday more vividly, because it was really just glorious. Now I am looking forward to Berlin. . .I PROMISE to have a recap of that experience plus the Radiohead concert, if I don't check in before then. Until then, vi ses!

Musical Connectedness

A quick post (as I am sick, and therefore am house-bound with not a lot to report) on music. I *did* get out to a concert on Friday (which spurred the sickness on, I'm afraid) and this, as well as a new album coming soon by a favorite artist, made me think that perhaps this would be a good venue to share my Artists of Europe. These are the musicians I've listened to from the beginning, and it's a much smaller list than it probably should be, because my iPod broke, which forced me to get a cheap mp3 player here and put only the music on my computer plus whatever I acquired here in rotation. I recommend looking into all of these artists. Their genres and talents are varied, which means you won't be bored by any of them!

Caitlin's Artists 'o Europe 2008 -
Sigur Ros: this is the group with the new album coming out on the 23rd. They sing in Icelandic, and sometimes in a made-up language called Hopelandic. I believe the new album is all in Icelandic, though. It doesn't matter that all of the individual words can't be understood - it's the mood, the overall effect, that crosses language barriers and captures the imagination. This is brilliant, brilliant stuff. AND, added bonus, the new album was recorded at Abbey Road. How do I know this? Well, ultimately, because I checked on their website. But more importantly, because I saw the band's signatures on the graffiti-wall outside of the studio (that I added my name to.) Freakin' awesome. And if you check the band's myspace page (http://www.myspace.com/sigurros) you can stream the entire album (there is a box you click if you scroll down a little; it's on the left.) You can also just hear the first song come on when you go to the website, and then the next two audio tracks will teach you Icelandic! They explain how to say the name of the album and the song titles:) Genius!

Jason Mraz: just came out with a new album. It's awesome. I don't know what else to say - if you know me, I've been promoting this guy for 7 years now to friends and family and anyone who would listen. Also, apart from the music, his web journals are moving and heartfelt - a good read if you want some self-improvement summer reading.

Amanda Rogers and the Sketchy Indians: apart from the uncomfortable political incorrectness of the latter half of the group's name, the music is quite awesome. This was the group I saw here in Freiburg on Friday. I was skeptical at first, seeing as Miss Rogers touted herself as the "love child of John Lennon and Thom Yorke." Yeah, right. And she isn't. Those two are waaaay too brilliant. However, she is a good poet and has a beautiful voice (think Vanessa Carlton without the whiny annoyingness, or The Hush Sound.) It was just really great to be in a concert setting and hear some live music! And she didn't disappoint.

Flogging Molly: their Irishy tunes are too much fun, and far too appropriate for my walks around Europe. There's a piratey good-heartedness to the group that is absolutely contagious. And listening to "If I Ever Leave This World Alive" while riding a train from the Stansted airport into London is an unforgettable experience.

Twin Atlantic: do an AWESOME cover of 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.' Seriously. If you ever wanted to hear a bunch of Scottish boys sing this song, this is your group. This was a group Jason Soudah helped me discover, and they are too much fun not to get hooked. It's the accents.

Damien Rice: the haunting voice. The jarring lyrics. The raw intensity. Damien Rice is incredible, that's really all there is to it.

Ane Brun: discovered her at SxSW two years ago. I remembered her recently, and she is still as fantastic as she was back then. Check her out for yourself, words won't do her justice.

(The rest I'm just going to list and link, not because they are worth ANY less than the rest, but merely because I am exhausted and need a nap.)
Gogol Bordello
Peter Moren
Peter Bjorn and John
Eric Hutchinson
Bob Dylan
The Beatles
The Swell Season
MUSE
Radiohead
Teitur
Sondre Lerche / Dan In Real Life soundtrack
Regina Spektor
Rachael Yamagata

Let's face the facts, dear: it's you who's got it all.

I went on a brief run this morning, despite a light misty rain and perhaps slightly-too-cold temperature. I want to describe the path I take to do my walk/runs, because it's truly out of a movie. First, I run down my 2 flights of stairs from my apartment to the front door of the complex. I turn left, and head past the other buildings, past a sandbox with a lifesize ship and sails (how cool is that for the kids who get to play on it?!) and out through a side entrance to the whole neighborhood. I turn right. I walk briskly on the cobblestone sidewalk past enormous grandfather trees, blooming rose bushes which, today, were heavily sinking under the weight of the rain, past moms and dads pushing babies in strollers and people biking to wherever they need to go. I turn left when I come to the end of the sidewalk, and cross a street. I then cross the tram tracks. I turn right again. I walk past quaint shops, nurseries and daycares, playgrounds, until I come to the playground with the climbing rock and big, grassy expanses. I turn left into the path, and walk past everything just described, as well as a little rabbit cage. It's always a good day when the rabbit is there - he is a fuzzy, round ball of white and caramel fluff, with a kind of "dooooh" look about him. Adorable. Today, because of the rain, I didn't notice whether he was out or not. Then I take the (muddy) path past the playground, between trees that reach out in an attempt to give me a hug. Not today, trees. I bent down to dodge them. Then. . .it's Lord of the Rings central. Big, curving beings of bark reach out over the top of me, protecting me from the rain. I turn left, usually, to begin my circle around the stream. The stream is beautiful and peaceful - if I didn't have my headphones on while I ran, I would hear it's soft rush past the rocks thankful for their endless bath. I would also hear the chorus of tiny birds that hang out in the upper echelons (spelling, egads.) Today, there was a bit of Poe in the woods - crows creaked out warnings of the rain. Thanks, crows, I think my soaked-through tee gave that one away. Anyway, I walk past these trees, under a branch that will probably soon be seperated from it's mother tree, because it is bending so heavily. I think if the rain continues, it will fall within the week. I go up to the bridge that is to the right of a big cage filled with rocks (don't ask me, I still haven't figured out what that is.) I turn right and cross the bridge, wondering if there are any goblins to devour Billy-Goat Gruff. After crossing, today I went left in perperation for my run. But I will continue to describe the ring around the stream, because it is more interesting. So, when I turn right, I pass tall trees and green grass for quite some time, and even another bridge (to my right). I pass a petting zoo, with goats and ponies. The goats usually eyeball me, as if to say, "The goblin didn't devour you today." Eventually I come to a child's playground/school of some kind. It is AWESOME. There are swings and things to climb, a teepee and God knows what else. Continuing on, I pass the horse stables. There are 3 or 4 beautiful, beautiful horses housed there. Sometimes they will look at me, and sometimes just continue their chomping on hay. Every now and again, I get to watch a brunette-haired girl ride in quick circles on a black beauty. I always wish to myself that the horse could jump the fence and just make a run for it. I'm sure he'd be happy to stretch his legs in a different pattern. Then again, I run in circles as well. . .nevertheless, I continue on past a third bridge, this one (unlike the other two wood bridges) made of concrete. I continue on, under a bridge for automobiles, up a small hill and finally come to the final bridge in my circle. Usually I will then take the bridge across and go back on the dirt road, but the rain has caused it to be too muddy, so I turn back around and follow the crushed-rock path I took out. About three or four days ago, I saw a tree fall on my run. It was epic and magical and tragic all at once. Through my headphones I heard this desperate, warning crack, looked forward and to my left about 20 feet, and watched as one of the wise wizards of the forests take its final bow, breaking a fence as it collapsed under the weight of its years. I feel like this is a rare thing to see; not that it doesn't happen often, but to time it out where you actually get to see it. I felt priviledged to be the single human attendant at the funeral. Today, when I ran back over my final bridge (the one near the unexplainable rock-cage) and took the path past the playground in that area, I saw a couple walking towards me, walking what I assumed would be dogs. To my extreme pleasure, almost glee - they were walking their ferrets. Two dogs with another man walked by, totally confused by these skinny, fuzzy beasts. The biggest smile in the world crept across my face at this ridiculous image. I loved it. Now, I have showered, my laundry is almost done, and I've been quite productive today. I am going to try to write every single day in some form or fashion (not necessarily in this journal, but in one of my many journals) in order to practice my writing skillz. Jason Mraz and his ingenious weaving of words has inspired me to do this. For now, it's time to get my laundry, go on a small shopping trip for some necessary groceries, have lunch, do some homework, mail off scholarship stuff to dad, more homework. . .more homework. SO worth it for a weekend of wandering through the forests, writing, singing and playing guitar, and guiltlessly indulging in life, the way I choose to. Peace out, lovers.

All my mistakes have become masterpieces.

Hello, faithful readers! I know I haven't updated in quite some time, so I thought it might be a good time to check in. I think I have to start off with something heavier, because it just happens to be my reality -
As I think everyone who reads this will already know, I have an eating disorder. I compulsively overexercised my senior year of high school, and now I have binge eating disorder. I am, finally (and proudly!) in the stage of the disorder called recovery. There is no specific time frame for this stage; it is a conscious choice I have made. I know that my body image and food obsessions are actually not the underlying problems. They are the surface issues that cover the deeper emotional issues I have supressed for who knows how long. And there is also not just one issue that I have been avoiding; it's years and years of not being able to deal with feelings in a healthy way. Thus, now that I recognize this, and know that I need to deal with emotional issues as well as my coping mechanism (i.e. binging,) I can say I am in recovery. I must now faze out the automatic binge-mechanism I have when I feel something (not even necessarily something bad!) and trade it in for a healthy coping mechanism (of which there are numerous.) It is not NEARLY as easy as it sounds, because it's science - a pathway in my brain has been forged for years, and I'm fighting against it now. There is a lot more I could say, but I think this is a good basis of knowledge for the rest of my post.
The reason I just explained all of that is because the past two weeks have been hard. The strangeness of being in another country, the occasional feeling of loneliness and everything else that nobody ever talks about after they get back from their adventure (because, I promise you, I am going to rose-color-glass my experience when I get back to the states, and want to jump on the first flight back to Europe!!) I wanted to talk about this now, though, because it's important to remember the struggles. You learn from them. I think, originally, I had given myself the impression that coming over here would be the biggest struggle of my life, and that once I was successfully settled, I would be "over" my eating disorder because I'd realize how awesome I am. As much as I wish it was that simple, it just isn't. I can look at this as a HUGE achievement, it can encourage me, I can use it as an affirmation, but it isn't the switch that I get to turn and be all better with. However, the fact that I am learning SO MUCH over here is such a HUGE achievement, particularly because I'm away from my therapist and normal support system. I am so proud of myself for doing this, I am still excited when I see the mountains behind my apartment, and my friends here are still some of the coolest kids ever. But I have been struggling to notice the little things that I know I'll miss when I return. The little kids yelling in German, the trams, the recycling. All of it, I'm going to miss desperately. The way my bathroom is a little too small, and gets way too warm and so I just sweat all over again once I'm out. The way we don't have a dishwasher so everything is done by hand which makes it seem more personal. Playing guitar like I never have before (there is an open mic night on Thursdays at an Irish pub near campus. I am going to go there. That is my goal for myself before I leave - to play "No Surprises" by Radiohead at the Irish pub for open mic night.) I am quite good, by the way. And my voice is amazing. I might be a musician after all! I love my campus. It's beautiful. I love the random rainstorms. I love that I can take Swedish. I love that I bought a Bob Dylan lyric book with German translations of the more complicated words. I love this place. And time is flying, and I am going to miss it more than I can describe with words. I am just going to have to soak it all up as best as I can. I also need to take pictures of all of my friends! I know I haven't done that; I guess it just feels touristy now that I'm close with everyone. Actually, no - I'm just too lazy:-P But it'll happen. OK, enough for now - perhaps I will actually get some homework done!

Well I don't know if I'm wrong, 'cause she's only just gone.

This one's gonna be hard to summarize, because there is just TOO much that has gone on since my last post. Mostly, I will just skip ahead to London. But, a mini-recap of weeks past: I'm in classes now, and they are going pretty well. I'm not applying myself to Swedish the way I probably should, so that is a source of guilt but I'm trying to be easy on myself. This is my first semester where I am trying to embrace the idea that life isn't just a letter in a gradebook. Anyway, there was a May 1st celebration a while back (May 1st, go figure,) and that was excellent because there was tons of free live music out on the streets. It was also the first time I rode a bike around Freiburg, which was totally exhilerating. There's something really cool about standing around with pals in an outdoor techno-rave with fireworks being shot off behind you. I've started to run most mornings (more of a run/walk combo) and it is wonderful. There's a really beautiful area around this stream behind my neighborhood where I do it. The only problem is, I've started getting shin splints. So I need to stretch out better. My routine now includes unwinding each mealtime by streaming "How I Met Your Mother." I'm almost caught up to the current season. It's a ridiculously awesome show, and it's nice to be braindead for a while (it's an American sitcom, so the English is a nice break.) That's a nice taste of a few things I've been up to during the regular week; time to delve into my London adventures!!

Tuesday -
I had a relaxing morning of buying plane-sized toiletries, having a delicious frozen-pizza lunch, and then heading to the train station. I hopped onto the first train, and enjoyed the two hours of countryside (with one train connection in the middle!) I packed RIDICULOUSLY light, I only had my purse and my backpack. Then, when I arrived in Stuttgart, I needed to get from the train station to the airport. I knew already which Bahns I could use, but I couldn't find anywhere to pay! I looked around and asked someone, and there was just no answer. So. . .I just hopped on. I was nervous the WHOLE time because I really wasn't trying to break rules, I just was hoping that I could pay ON the Bahn itself, but I didn't see any place to do that. I managed to get all the way to the airport without incident, but I felt uneasy about the situation. On the bright side. . .perhaps this is karma letting me get my money back from the stupid ticket incident at the beginning of my time in Germany! Anyway, after I made it to the airport I was about 2 and a half hours early, so I had to wait half an hour to check in. Then I went up to my gate, and sat for 2 hours, reading and chilling out. Then we got to board the plane in the coolest way possible: our "gate" was actually a place where we all crowded on this big bus, and they bussed us out to the plane where we (hold your breath!) got to CLIMB UP those cool seperate steps like you see movie stars and presidents and people do!! That was really awesome:) Anyway, I went to my seat (I had pre-booked it, right in front of the wings by the window on the right side) and started to Sudoku. The flight was amazing, so beautiful (I'm really loving flying now, it's nuts!) It was only an hour and ten minutes, and I ended up talking to the two German guys sitting next to me. They were nice, and it was cool to be speaking a ton of German. I always can use the practice! Although it did throw me off for a while after I got off of the plane and everyone was talking to me in English:-P Anyway, we got to the London-Stansted airport, had to go through the border patrol, and then I was off to find the Stansted Express. The train had a really great route, I got to see both London countryside AND the city, and I was giddy the whole time. Then, when I got to the Liverpool St. Station, I hopped off, bought an Oyster card (pay-as-you-go card for bus and tube,) and grabbed the Hammersmith tube line to Hammersmith. Then I caught a taxi to my cousins' place! They live in Fulham county (if I understand all of that business correctly; it's all a little confusing with the different sections that are all a part of London!) and their home is BEAUTIFUL. Two stories, tons of space and even a nice backyard! Kristyn and Damian met me at the door and fed me a DELICIOUS salad (seriously, it was fantastic and I am actually craving one right now, as I am thinking about it.) I also got to see vacation pictures from their trip to New Zealand - so pretty! Then it was time for bed, and the bed was luxurious so I was out super fast.

Wednesday - Woke up leisurely, and headed out into Fulham with Kristyn and baby Theo (side note for Katherine - you would be 100% in love with Theo, he is one of those babies that are irresistable to a baby-lover like you:)) First, we went up to the Fulham Football club, and then around to a park along the river Thames. We ended up at the Fulham palace, where all of the bishops lived. It was gorgeous! The garden was particularly lovely, because the flowers were all blooming. I also got to see some allotments, which are basically plots people can rent to garden and grow their own veggies and stuff. Brilliant! Then we went over to the church where they filmed "The Omen." Super creepy, and some of the graves had these mummy-like tomb things... totally creepy. Some of them were even cracked:-/ Then we headed to a cafe where I had probably the best chocolate milkshake I've ever tasted. Then it was time to do some shopping! We went to a shop, looking for a dress (I was really hoping to find a "London dress" that would forever remind me of the city, but never was quite successful.) I tried some things on, and ended up leaving with only one item, one of the only two items I purchased during my entire stay: the most adorable pink umbrella with white polka dots and frills along the edge. It was one of those that opened up in a cap-shape, which I've always wanted, and it had a beautiful pink faux-leather handle. I loved, loved, loved that umbrella. We will get to why I am using past-tense in a while. But I needed to express the love I invested in the umbrella so it all makes sense later. Anyway, I needed an umbrella and that was the perfect one, so I got that and then we headed slowly back towards the house. As we walked up, Kristyn said, "Who is that guy standing by my house??" I didn't really know what she was talking about, until I saw Jason waving at me!! I was super excited and ran up for a hello-again hug. Hadn't seen him for an entire year! Anywho, the three of us (and baby Theo!) hung out for a few minutes and planned out our Friday rendevous, and then I grabbed my bag and we headed to Jason's parent's place. They live in Windsor, which was a little drive away, so Jason and I had some time to catch up. I almost forgot to mention, it was so weird the night before and again this time to get into a vehicle on the left side, and drive on the left!! You'd think I would have been expecting it so it wouldn't have been that strange, but to physically get into a car that way. . .weird. Anyway, the parent's home was quite beautiful, also two stories with a sizeable backyard. It was such a nice day that we ate outside. We had a fantastic stir-fry, quite good!! Then it was off to try and fit in some sight-seeing. We went to Windsor Castle, and it was just unbelievable. The size, the look. . .just incredible. We skipped along the road, literally, towards the castle. Oh, I just remembered - before we got to Jason's, we stopped off to buy some honey at this great local store. Really cool. Anyway, we were too late to do a castle tour, so we decided to go back the next day. We wandered around Windsor, had some ice cream along the river, and randomly ran into a friend of Jason's who invited us to a play that night. She put us on the guest list, so we had amazing seats FOR FREE. Gotta love that! Anyway, then as we were sitting on the river, we also go to hear this great guy Kenji (I think I'm spelling that right) play guitar. He did some Beatles covers, so of course I loved it. Then we also wandered over to the boy's school, which I can't remember the name of. It's pretty famous though. Something-or-other College, but it isn't a "college" like in the US. Anyway. It was neat to see the boys all dressed up, it made me feel like I was in Harry Potter:) Then we had dinner at a nice Italian place, and then we went to the play. It was called "Quartermaine's Terms," and it was OK. Not my favorite, but it was free and now I can say I've seen some London theatre! It was in the Windsor Royal Theatre, and the theatre itself was really lovely. The set was also stunning. Then we headed back in for the night!

Thursday - Back to Windsor to do the tour. I seriously felt like a little girl - all my princess dreams coming true:) The flag was raised, so we are thinking that means that the Queen was actually there! So crazy. My favorite parts of the tour were Princess Mary's dollhouse, which was SO detailed and lovely, and the grand ballroom. Everything, though, was just so breathtaking - the architecture, the history, everything. I don't even know how to describe it, except that everyone should go visit. One of the staffers was telling us that there is a music festival actually IN Windsor Castle every year. Man. How cool would it be to go to that?! And tickets are honestly really cheap for being able to go to Windsor and see music. Anyway, we also got to see the Cathedral and it was just as lovely. It was really great to sit where the choir usually sits, and they had some recordings of the choir for us and the boys sounded just amazing. Really beautiful. And, of course, a ton of royalty is buried there!! Then we grabbed some lunch, and some fudge for the road at this GREAT fudge store that I am already missing. Then we piled into Jason's car, and headed out for our road trip to Cambridge. The trip itself was AWESOME, albeit a lot longer than we anticipated. We had great chats, and listened to some great music (Damien Rice's "The Professor" and Twin Atlantic will now forever remind me of London and that trip.) When we got to Cambridge, it was already 7 so a lot of things were closed. That worked out for us, though, because we got to take (mostly) uninterrupted pictures of the incredible architecture there. We wandered around and chatted and laughed and had a generally amazing time. Grabbed some dinner in a nice place called BRB (we giggled) and then headed back out. We stopped off at a rest stop for bathroom-usage, and bought some "authentic" London candy (some Cadbury stuff you can only get in London.) We had some amazing conversation on the trip back, which was considerably faster than the trip out, and then went to bed.

Friday - My last day was my London inner-city day. We got up earlier than before, made sure everything was set for Jason's brother Ashley and our mutual pal Matt to bring my bag with them later, and hopped a train to the city. On the way to the train, though, we got to see the changing of the guards!! So cool. Tons of stuff to do at Windsor, I mean really!! I saw it all three days!! Anywho, grabbed the trains into London and went first to my favorite part of my entire trip, I think: Abbey Road. We did the obligatory street-crossing photo, saw the studio, graffitied on the post outside (apparently Sigur Ros had been there recently as well!!! HOW COOL!) It was just amazing. I was leaping and squealing the entire time. Amazing. Then we headed back to Baker Street (Sherlock Holmes' home) and grabbed some lunch. Vogue said that this place had the best pizza anywhere. I think the people at Vogue apparently don't get out much. But whatevs, food is food. Then we headed to the most touristy thing we did probably the entire time: Madame Toussaud's. It was SO much fun, albeit more crowded than anywhere on the planet, I think. I met Leo DiCaprio, Alfred Hitchcock, Sean Connery. . .busy day! Then we headed to a bus stop, where we hopped on a 15 and did our own personalized bus tour. At this point, we were already totally exhausted after so many full days, but we managed to see a TON. Trafalgar Square, the Court of Justices, the theatre district (London's "Broadway,") the super-famous cathedral whose name is escaping me (can you tell I'm still tired?) and ended at the Tower Bridge. We hoofed it all the way across and back, which was really cool, and then headed around to the London Tower. Then we hopped a bus back and got to see Big Ben on our way to the underground that took us to our final destination, the Regal Room. This is where we got to meet back up with the cousins and it was SUCH a fun night. We had some delicious food, chatted away for a while, and then got to see some really talented musicians play. I had a few favorites: there was one guy who sang in Greek and played super-quick guitar; reminded me a little of some of the stuff off of Paul Simon's "Graceland." So nice. I also really loved this one girl who played on stage with one other guitarist; her voice was absolutely chilling. And then Nick Tathum, who is a young guy from Dolcet with an incredible voice. His lyrics aren't always the most profound, but they are sweet. He also has (I'm going to misspell this, I already know) Turrett's, but when he starts to play all of the ticks go away!! It just solidified my view that music is crazy important and can be such a powerful force in a person's life. This was also when I got to see Matt again, Jason's drummer who I also hadn't seen for a year. The three boys (Jason, Ashley and Matt) all left early, which was a bummer but totally understandable as they were all exhausted. The cousins and I got back to the house at around midnight, and they were excellent enough to set up a cab for me the next day so I wouldn't have to worry about taking any train but the Stansted Express. They were amazing hosts, and I'm just sad I didn't have a lot more time to spend with them because I never even got to see the other two boys, Max and Oscar! It just means I'll have to visit again soon. Anyway, then I got ready for bed as quickly as possible. . .

Saturday - . . .and woke up at 4:15 am. Ouch. Painful as it was, I hopped in the shower and started to wake up. As I was doing my makeup, though, the can arrived so I had to rush to make sure I had everything, say a quick goodbye to Kristyn (everyone else was, rightfully, still asleep!!) and run out the door. The cab driver freaked me out by suggesting that they could be doing work on the Stansted Express line, but I stuck to my guns and asked him to take me to Liverpool St. Station. We passed the London Eye and Buckingham Palace (I think) on the way out, which was awesome because those were also things I wanted to see. Check! :) Then I grabbed a ticket for the Stansted Express, and hopped on at 5:40 to get to the airport. The check-in line for our plane at the airport was pretty long, but I got checked in. The woman asked if I had any baggage to check, and I said no. She asked if I had anything sharp in my backpack, and I said, "No, but I do have this umbrella. . ." Big mistake. She said, oh yeah, you need to check that in our fragile section. OK, I think. No problem. I check the umbrella, and head over to my gate. They ended up switching the gates on us, and the boarding was pretty late but despite all of that, we were still pretty well on time for departure and arrival! The flight was, again, quite lovely, and although I was exhausted, I knew I would miss London (and I do, so, so much.) When I arrived at the Stuttgart airport, the first thing I did was go to get my umbrella. Well. . .they lost it. It didn't ever turn up. 15 pounds (30 dollars) down the drain, but more importantly, an item that reminded me of London and had so much love and so many memories invested in it is now somewhere in Stuttgart or something. I am still kind of upset about it, just because it really did symbolize a lot for me. I was really upset and asked a bunch of people and went around in circles, but ultimately was told "sorry" and I headed to take the subway to the train station. I had a bunch of time before my train left, so I wandered around the Stuttgart train station for a bit. I looked to see if any of the shops carried cute umbrellas, but no luck. Then I hopped on the train when it arrived, and enjoyed the journey. The train was running late, so I literally had to sprint to my connection in Karlsruhe, but I made it and am now back! I'm exhausted from so much traveling, from sitting a ton, from not having exercised and from no sleep basically for an entire week. I'm also totally spoiled with English and a little lazy, kind of not wanting to speak German or do homework. But it's Sunday and I have quite a bit of Swedish to do, so I'm going to get on that and take it easy today. I'm trying to get back in gear, start speaking German again. But ultimately, my trip was just incredible and there are so many memories I couldn't fit in here because I just don't have the energy. Essentially, it was awesome, and my 3 hosts (Kristyn, Damian and Jason) all made it so much better. It was so nice to have 3 friends to spend my week off with! OK, time to make some lunch, watch some "How I Met Your Mother," and do some Swedish. I will try to post pictures or something in the near future, but there are a TON so maybe I'll just have to figure out a way to host them on a separate website.

Ein Leben ohne Ende.

Hiking on Saturday was BEAUTIFUL. My friend, Daniel, kind of went at light-speed, so I didn't have a LOT of time to admire the countryside, but now I know a path I can take this weekend if the weather is nice. I want to go take pictures, it's just so beautiful! Even though we were walking quickly, it took about 2 hours and we talked about politics and culture and other interesting things the whole time. Really great! He told me about a party that night, which I considered going to but it ended up being a pretty big dud so I skipped out. Instead, Michael and I went into town for an ice cream; we walked going into town, and then rode the tram back. Then, I got dressed up (in case I decided to go to the party) and went over to Michael's to meet his roommate and their friends. All were super awesome, I really enjoyed talking to them! Then I peered in at the party (it was in the Vaubar, right underneath Michael's apartment) and, as I said, there were about 10 people in there and I couldn't tell if I knew any, so I went home, a little disappointed not to have anything to do. Still, I was getting over my cold so I'm glad I didn't push it too much. Sunday, I really wanted to go into town for lunch, because I stupidly assumed SOMEone would want to do the same, but it was like pulling teeth trying to find someone to go with me. It ended up being Michael again, and we WALKED both ways, so tons of exercise there:-P Then, for dinner, my roommates made some wickedly-awesome lasagna (I helped a LITTLE, I guess,) and we all hung out which was wonderful. I'm always pretty quiet at these events, either because everyone speaks so fast that I can't really input anything, or else because they are talking about something (people, profs) I don't know about. Still, I got to know Corrina a little better, and she is SO cool. She's moving out today, heading to Berlin, and I'm really, really bummed we didn't have more time to hang out. This week, I have TONS of down time. Yesterday, my second class was cancelled so I only had my 2pm, and that allowed me to get to know Judith, who is a GREAT lady and is going to help me buy a local SIM card so that I can actually have a social life in Germany:-P I spent most of the rest of the day working away at the rest of my Swedish. This is going to be a super work-intensive course, but na ja. Das geht. Today, Swedish is the only course I have, so I'm meeting up with Maike (my tandem partner) at 1pm to do some tandem-ing, and then after my course this evening I'm finally meeting up with Maria again, which will be so nice because I adore her. We're grabbing ice cream, and then heading to a film club presentation. Sweet! Tomorrow, the only thing on tap is step aerobics at 5:30, so I hope to be really productive and get a big chunk of homework out of the way. Thursday, I have to get up at 7am ( :( ) so that I can go work with Aaron, but the upside is I will be receiving some payment for my toils. Hoorayyy! I'll work for three hours with him, meaning I'll be done by noon. That gives me the rest of the day to nap, perhaps go on my hiking adventure, and otherwise get more work done AND socialize. Hopefully. Thursday is a holiday here, which is why I can do all of these things. Anyway, then I have no classes Friday, giving me a real three-day weekend! I'm trying to decide if I want to attempt a mini-trip anywhere. We'll have to wait and see. Now that I am getting to know people here, I feel like I would prefer to stay and get to know them better. Anyway, I have to get moving, so that's all for now!

Alles sehen, dass du Angst hast.

It's been a week, and there is SO much to report! I'm hoping to go hiking soon, though, so I'm not sure how much time I have. Also I'm a little tired, so I'll just give a brief overview.

The International party on Saturday was kind of a bust - I have no idea how the party actually was (although I heard it was cramped,) but the *way* in which I did the party, e.g. running into another guy heading there, because both of us were lost, and then being intercepted by one of his international buddies and wandering around the city forever until I was a million blocks away from home and walked back and it was cold, was not so fun. However, I bucked up and somehow was brave enough to go to the Vaubar party, which was a party for my neighborhood. GREAT answer:) It was so much fun, I met some amazing people, and yeah - just a really great choice! The next day I kind of bummed around the house, terrified of the imminence of school starting the next day. And it started with a cold and rainy day, which is important because of my current condition (we'll get there.) I had my first class at 2pm, a course on 19th century American short stories. The prof is a little sketchy, but it should be my one super-easy course, so I'll take it. The next course was another English seminar on American Romanticism, and was SO much better. Jon Adams is going to be a fun prof to work with, I think (hope)! The next day I spent a lot of time with three of my international buddies, walking around in the raininess and coldishness, which was a bad choice because as the day went along, I could feel myself getting sick. Oh, crap. So Tuesday was my Swedish course, which is going to be super tough but super rewarding, I think. Wednesday, I went to a "Hauptseminar," which is basically like an easy grad course, I would imagine, and even though it was super interesting, I decided to drop it because I want to spend my time in Germany exploring the countryside and meeting people, not with my nose in a book (particularly an English book!) So, my Wednesdays are now going to be free, which means I intend to work on Wednesdays and then do my step aerobics class at night. I skipped step on Wednesday, though, in an attempt to get better. So, when I woke up on Thursday, I felt a lot better. Unfortunately, I then was stuck at school for most of the day. My German poetry lecture was SO difficult to understand, but since that's what I'm looking for, I'm sticking with it. Then I had my other course with Adams, where we will be PUBLISHING A BOOK holy poop!!! I'm so excited about this course:) Then Friday is another free-day, which is totally wonderful. Unfortunately, since I was out at school all day Thursday, I felt crappy again yesterday and spent the WHOLE day in my room. Boo. Thus, since it is a BEAUTIFUL day, I want to get out and hike. I think I will go check on my hiking buddy in just a few minutes to make sure he's still interested in going. I'm sure I just left out a TON of stuff, but I'm rushed and a little tired. Basically, I need to continue to take it semi-easy this weekend so I don't get super sick again for this upcoming week...being sick is awful. I still feel a little yucky today, but SO much better than before. OK, bye for now!

All of the while, all of the while it was you.

Quick recap of the past week:
Most days were filled with International Orientation stuff, which was a nice immersion in the German language. I met some neat people who I hope to run into tonight at our International Student party! I'm now pretty much all registered for courses at Freiburg, and I finally settled on my two german courses: one is meant for international students, and deals with Europe and Germany's relationship with the U.S. The other (get ready for it) is a beginner's Swedish course. I *just* discovered the course this morning, and dropped one of my english courses to take it. I'm SO excited, and nervous. It's an online course which I love, because there are 2 hours that are structured each week, and the other two hours are for self-paced learning. I did e-mail the professor to make sure that it was OK that I literally know ZERO Swedish, so we'll see what she says. Fingers crossed. I've already learned some Swedish in the language lab, though - Jag heter Caitlin, vad heter du? Sweeeet:) Anyway, one way or another, I'm learning Swedish. And then Norwegian, because the two are so closely linked. And THEN, when I get back home, French. Hellz yeah I'll be multilingual! And then probably Spanish because I need to get over this "everyone takes Spanish" snobbery and learn a very important language for my country. Anywho. The best day of this week, hands-down, was yesterday. Let us recap:
Friday, 18 April 08 -
I spent a lazy morning on the computer, and then got showered, for my lunch date with my tandem partner, Maike. We met up at the student cafeteria, the "Mensa," and spent an hour or so munching on salad and talking about life auf Deutsch. Then I told her that I wanted to go learn Swedish at the Sprachlabor, so she walked with me. When we got there, it was still closed and would be for an hour, so we went together to a big shop in town, Mueller, and bought school supplies. Then we went back to the Sprachlabor and said our goodbyes. Then I called dad, and spoke only in German. It was just coming so naturally, so I let it. Then, it was into the Sprachlabor to learn some Swedish. During my time in the lab, I got a call from a woman who I wanted to work for, but I missed it because my phone was on vibrate! This caused some panicking later, but we'll get to that. After almost 2 hours in the Sprachlabor, and a minute understanding of the Swedish language, I headed out. All of a sudden, I was totally drawn to the Bim-Bam music instrument store. I just couldn't help it, something was calling to me. I went in, and told the man (still in German!) that I wanted a guitar, and would also need a hard-case to transport it back to the U.S. He asked me my price range, and I said between 100 and 200 Euros. The first one he showed me was really nice, but I thought, there's no way this can be love at first sight, so after I strummed for a second, I put it back and looked around. There was another that was 30 Euro more, and I thought it was really nice and like the sound. But I just kept looking back at the first one, picked it up again, looked around the store, and realized this was it. It was my choice, and the guy had found my soulmate for me. Let me describe this guitar for everyone: it is a beautiful mahogony/blood-red color, with a deeper shading on the outside edges. Its surface is smooth and thick, and it's a Western-style acoustic, meaning it has a pick guard (that black squiggly-looking thing on some acoustics, for those unfamiliar with guitar terminology.) It is effing GORGEOUS and sounds so nice. I've already probably spent 2 or more hours strumming away, playing Pete Townshend's "Let My Love Open The Door," Sondre Lerche's "John Let Me Go," and Teitur's "Louis Louis." SO much fun. My fingers on my left hand ache, but I know I'm just rebuilding my callouses so I'll get used to it with practice. I'm just so happy with my purchase, and the men were kind enough to lend me a soft-case until they get some hard-cases in. Now I'm supposed to come in every week until they get some cases in:) So I carefully took my guitar back to my room, and then strummed away happily. However, then I was really nervous about my missed call from my potential boss, because it was three hours later and she hadn't left a message or called again. Her number was one of those unlisted ones, so I felt totally screwed. HOWEVER, *right* as I was about to go retrieve a Capo from Maike, I got a call. I got the job!! I'll be spending 3-4 hours a week with a 5-year-old boy, Aaron, teaching him English words. 8 Euro an hour, thank you very much. AND, because it's only one day a week, I can even look for another job!! Mo' money, mo' fun. I need money, too. Life here is expensive, and I really am being SO good but it's just the darned exchange rate. So I'm hoping this job will help me go to both Great Britain AND Sweden/Norway/Scotland in August. Speaking of which, that's one thing that hasn't fallen into place: I still haven't heard back from the cousins in London, so I'm a little worried about things getting more expensive the longer I wait. I may just start looking into youth hostels in London, or maybe just stay with Jason the whole time and we can do some kind of excursion up into London. I'll talk to dad tomorrow and ask him what he would suggest. Then, after my wonderful guitar purchase, my learning of Swedish and my job-acquiring, I made myself some delicious dinner (stir fry!) and joined some friends at a bar. It was a really great day:) And today = super lazy, with two parties tonight to meet more people and practice my German, and then tomorrow I will clean my room and the kitchen, and make sure I'm all ready for my first day of school on Monday! I'm also taking a step aerobics class on Wednesday, which I'm SUPER psyched about, because I've missed working out. Today is a pretty nice day, so I'm considering going for a run. I'm just nervous I'll get lost:-P We'll see, we'll see. Anyway, that's all I feel like writing about for now, but Skype me or e-mail me if you want more details!!