Comment on my last post by "rich" - "Wow, that could be the most consecutive lines of bullshit I've ever read in my life."
I'm not sure who you are, although I can certainly make assumptions. I am trying to be respectful on here and deal with things in an adult manner, and truly this blog is for my friends and family. Seeing as you can clearly be neither, I would appreciate you explaining yourself. What about a person's recovery during a hard time is bullshit? I'm not understanding. Truly, if you have been offended in some way (which I can only imagine you have been, or else why would you take the time and go out of your way to hurt someone?) please share, because I am only trying to share my own experiences.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Hate me so good you can let me out.
A very brief update: for those of you who know me well, you know I'm kind of a crazy earth-mother type, which is part of the reason I've loved Europe so much. The environment around me is SO spectacular. And I feel a deep connection with the earth. Well, if you have read my last post, you know I'm dealing with a ton of pain and anger right now, more than I have ever felt in my life. It kind of culminated for me today, kind of really and truly officially finalized to the point where there is nothing I can do but try to move forward. As if mother earth knew of all of this, there is now a raging, spectacular, furious and beautiful thunderstorm outside. The great streaks of lightning flash through the sky and split the mountains, but the mountains remain, strong and steady and hurt but surviving. And I can tell, as the wind picks up and with the fury of it all, the rain will come and wash everything clean and the earth will be reborn, just like me. It just started in great huge waves that invite me to let it all out with them. There are little drops that sting, and softer drops that come in, steady and steady and steady. There is pain in a thunderstorm, and devestation, and despair, but there is also excitement and there is promise and there is rebirth. I look to this storm, and the ones that are expected to come for the next few days, to represent me, and my own slow and steady and violent and painful and exciting recovery.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
I Ain't No Holla-Back Girl: Coming Clean
I have kept myself from posting about this, because I felt like it would be immature and irresponsible to air dirty laundry on a blog for all of my friends and family. Even though it has been the most major development in my life for the past month, since I didn't know what was going to happen, I kept it all to myself. Now that it has come to an end, I am prepared to inform everyone of what has been happening. Of course this is a one-sided interpretation of events, but I am pretty well convinced that the other party's side wouldn't be very enlightening anyway.
At the beginning of the month, on July 1st, Scott informed me he wanted to take a break. I was told to trust him, and that he loved me, and that he believed we would stay together. It hurt like crazy and I didn't understand, but I knew trust had been a huge issue for us for a long time, so I resolved to trust him. I won't go into super-gritty details, I will just say that there were clues that shed light on what was to come, but, sticking to my promise to Scott and myself, I trusted him and assumed the best. I felt that I knew, in my heart, that he loved me, and that we would end up together. The problem is, that was the Scott that I used to know and love. There is a new Scott that isn't the wonderful guy that I used to know. Essentially, I found out through the wonders of Facebook that, despite having held on for the whole month, despite keeping the faith, despite not trying to contact him, despite giving him the space he asked for, despite being the most devoted girlfriend in the history of girlfriends, and despite feeling like I knew in my heart that we must end up together/planning on sending him a happy message mid-week to plan out when we'd get to catch up this weekend; that despite all of this, he had moved on. Without telling me anything first, he had posted that he was in a relationship with a girl who had been messaging him all month. It was the most painful way to "let me know" about this, it was cowardly, and it has ruined the chance we had to salvage an important and wonderful friendship from what was, I had thought, a fantastic nearly-three-year relationship. It's been an incredibly difficult month not having the person I had considered my best friend to consult with. It's been scary and painful, and it has now gotten worse. I only found out about this new relationship of his yesterday; for those of you who have gone through breakups, you can sort of understand what I am dealing with at the moment. I have never known hurt or anger or betrayal as deep as this. It saddens me, and infuriates me. I am in despair for the death of a person I admired and loved so much, I miss the memories we made and can no longer make, and I am engraged at the asshole who has turned my world upside-down. However, even though I have had the most lonely moments I have ever had, as I am having to experience this abroad, particularly after many of my friends have moved away; there is a silver lining. My friends and family who have already heard about this have all joined together in support around me, and it has been so incredibly fantastic and moving to realize how many people love me and care about me. I feel proud to know so many amazingly wonderful and caring people. I feel blessed. Also, though there are indescribably difficult low moments. . .there are excitingly hopeful moments, too. I am single in the prime of my life; I have the opportunity now to meet new people, furnish new friendships, go on dates with crazy liberals (for once in my life!!) and rockstars and all of the other wonderful people I am going to meet. Once I am more removed from the sting of all of this, I will learn from it and be an even better girlfriend the next time around. My possibilities are endless. I can now also totally embrace my plan to travel as soon as I possibly can when I graduate; to think I was going to agree to compromise some of my dreams for a boy as undevoted as Scott is kind of scary, but as my friends have said, it's good that I figured all of this out BEFORE it got to that point. I will not just rip on Scott, of course; he has brought some of the happiest moments into my life, and has helped me through times that I thought I would drown in. That is why this is all so confusing, and why I feel like the wonderful, caring boy who did those things is not the boy who has done this horrible thing to me. Hopefully this update does not seem TOO vindictive or high-school-drama-bitchy, because I don't want to be just another Miley Cyrus acting the fool on the world wide web. That isn't the intent. My intent here is three-fold: 1)I want to let everyone know about this at once, because it hurts for me to have to go through it over and over again; 2)I want to warn other women about this, because I feel kind of like it's my duty to share what I have had to go through; 3)I deserve to be a little bitchy after what I was put through.
In sum, I have had to go through a living hell, and am still living through it at various intervals throughout the day. There are grittier details, but you'll have to ask me in person because I really am not so vindictive as to air my dirty laundry on my blog. The good that comes out of this is that I have found how many amazing people care about me, I am finding my own personal strength, and I have many amazing opportunities now - a clean slate. It's going to be an incredibly difficult year, because everything from concert plans to living arrangements were made with the relationship in mind. But I'm going to reframe it all and reclaim it all. I still have a little over 2 weeks left in Freiburg, and I'm going to live it up as much as I physically can. I still have one more paper to write, notes to type, and manuscript to edit, but I should be done with most school-related responsibilities by the end of the week. Eric arrives Sunday, which is going to be an absolute God-send. I have my guitar, and I'm going to write some songs about this. I also have some amazing music mixes from my dear Margaret, as well as my own choice songs (check out Damien Rice's "Rootless Tree" and "Coconut Skins" if you would like to know about how I'm feeling right now; particularly that first one.) I love you all, and I still even care for the boy that I once knew and fell in love with. I'm sad to see him go, but perhaps, at some day far, far in the future, he'll return and we can be friendly again. Ultimately I am an optimist and feel that people can learn from mistakes and change for the better. At this point, though, that/he isn't my concern. My concern is to better myself and grow out of all of this. I will keep you all posted about my last-week adventures and do a final grade update when I have all of them in:) Love to all and just keep me in your thoughts - I appreciate all the support I receive. I am going to be more than OK, it will just take time.
At the beginning of the month, on July 1st, Scott informed me he wanted to take a break. I was told to trust him, and that he loved me, and that he believed we would stay together. It hurt like crazy and I didn't understand, but I knew trust had been a huge issue for us for a long time, so I resolved to trust him. I won't go into super-gritty details, I will just say that there were clues that shed light on what was to come, but, sticking to my promise to Scott and myself, I trusted him and assumed the best. I felt that I knew, in my heart, that he loved me, and that we would end up together. The problem is, that was the Scott that I used to know and love. There is a new Scott that isn't the wonderful guy that I used to know. Essentially, I found out through the wonders of Facebook that, despite having held on for the whole month, despite keeping the faith, despite not trying to contact him, despite giving him the space he asked for, despite being the most devoted girlfriend in the history of girlfriends, and despite feeling like I knew in my heart that we must end up together/planning on sending him a happy message mid-week to plan out when we'd get to catch up this weekend; that despite all of this, he had moved on. Without telling me anything first, he had posted that he was in a relationship with a girl who had been messaging him all month. It was the most painful way to "let me know" about this, it was cowardly, and it has ruined the chance we had to salvage an important and wonderful friendship from what was, I had thought, a fantastic nearly-three-year relationship. It's been an incredibly difficult month not having the person I had considered my best friend to consult with. It's been scary and painful, and it has now gotten worse. I only found out about this new relationship of his yesterday; for those of you who have gone through breakups, you can sort of understand what I am dealing with at the moment. I have never known hurt or anger or betrayal as deep as this. It saddens me, and infuriates me. I am in despair for the death of a person I admired and loved so much, I miss the memories we made and can no longer make, and I am engraged at the asshole who has turned my world upside-down. However, even though I have had the most lonely moments I have ever had, as I am having to experience this abroad, particularly after many of my friends have moved away; there is a silver lining. My friends and family who have already heard about this have all joined together in support around me, and it has been so incredibly fantastic and moving to realize how many people love me and care about me. I feel proud to know so many amazingly wonderful and caring people. I feel blessed. Also, though there are indescribably difficult low moments. . .there are excitingly hopeful moments, too. I am single in the prime of my life; I have the opportunity now to meet new people, furnish new friendships, go on dates with crazy liberals (for once in my life!!) and rockstars and all of the other wonderful people I am going to meet. Once I am more removed from the sting of all of this, I will learn from it and be an even better girlfriend the next time around. My possibilities are endless. I can now also totally embrace my plan to travel as soon as I possibly can when I graduate; to think I was going to agree to compromise some of my dreams for a boy as undevoted as Scott is kind of scary, but as my friends have said, it's good that I figured all of this out BEFORE it got to that point. I will not just rip on Scott, of course; he has brought some of the happiest moments into my life, and has helped me through times that I thought I would drown in. That is why this is all so confusing, and why I feel like the wonderful, caring boy who did those things is not the boy who has done this horrible thing to me. Hopefully this update does not seem TOO vindictive or high-school-drama-bitchy, because I don't want to be just another Miley Cyrus acting the fool on the world wide web. That isn't the intent. My intent here is three-fold: 1)I want to let everyone know about this at once, because it hurts for me to have to go through it over and over again; 2)I want to warn other women about this, because I feel kind of like it's my duty to share what I have had to go through; 3)I deserve to be a little bitchy after what I was put through.
In sum, I have had to go through a living hell, and am still living through it at various intervals throughout the day. There are grittier details, but you'll have to ask me in person because I really am not so vindictive as to air my dirty laundry on my blog. The good that comes out of this is that I have found how many amazing people care about me, I am finding my own personal strength, and I have many amazing opportunities now - a clean slate. It's going to be an incredibly difficult year, because everything from concert plans to living arrangements were made with the relationship in mind. But I'm going to reframe it all and reclaim it all. I still have a little over 2 weeks left in Freiburg, and I'm going to live it up as much as I physically can. I still have one more paper to write, notes to type, and manuscript to edit, but I should be done with most school-related responsibilities by the end of the week. Eric arrives Sunday, which is going to be an absolute God-send. I have my guitar, and I'm going to write some songs about this. I also have some amazing music mixes from my dear Margaret, as well as my own choice songs (check out Damien Rice's "Rootless Tree" and "Coconut Skins" if you would like to know about how I'm feeling right now; particularly that first one.) I love you all, and I still even care for the boy that I once knew and fell in love with. I'm sad to see him go, but perhaps, at some day far, far in the future, he'll return and we can be friendly again. Ultimately I am an optimist and feel that people can learn from mistakes and change for the better. At this point, though, that/he isn't my concern. My concern is to better myself and grow out of all of this. I will keep you all posted about my last-week adventures and do a final grade update when I have all of them in:) Love to all and just keep me in your thoughts - I appreciate all the support I receive. I am going to be more than OK, it will just take time.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
The random things you find when you're wandering the streets with an awesome friend.
I hope I have mentioned my pal Lindsy from Minnesota on here before, because she is wonderful and I am going to miss her SO SO SO much when she leaves for Sweden on Monday. Anywho, our last Swedish class was today (and I got a 1,7 which, in short, means I'm amazing.) Afterwards, Lindsy and I had dinner at a delicious (and cheap! hooray!) restaurant. Then we decided to wander around Freiburg for a few minutes. Our first randomly awesome discovery was a free art exhibit with toooons of amazing stuff - it's hard to explain it here, but it was really, really cool. Kind of abstract but the figures were recognizable. We got into a discussion about how perspective matters SO much in interpreting anything creative - this discussion kicked off because my favorite picture at the exhibit was an image of two people kissing with some kind of headphones over their ears. I had interpreted it as a guy and girl listening to music, but maybe not the same song, and yet they were still sharing a "moment" that was different for each because of their different music but connected all of the same, since they were kissing. I told this to Lindsy, and she jokingly said, "How do you know those are headphones and not ear-muffs?" I realized that, had that really been her first interpretation, it would totally make sense, as she is from Minnesota, whereas nobody in Texas needs ear-muffs. Plus my obsession with music obviously led me to associate the earphones with those attached to some kind of CD-player. Anyway, very interesting stuff! Then we wandered around a bit more, and finally we came upon the STRANGEST thing I have ever seen. There was music playing, so we started walking down the street towards it, and there were ALL kinds of people, so it looked like a festival. Lindsy said she believed the building they were standing outside of was some kind of art school for teenaged kids, because she would sometimes see/hear orchestras practicing. The band that was playing was probably faculty or just some hired group, 'cause the guys were all old. They were just playing this endless 90's-esque loop, and as we walked on, we discovered the strange part: there were kids, in weird costumes (we believe it was a Greek mythology theme, because there was Hermes and Medusa. . .I think those are the Greek ones anyway haha) standing around, and ALSO jumping out of a window, hooked up to one of those climbing cables, that connected to a tree and they floated down over their classmates towards the tree. What. In. God's. Name. Lindsy and I, still, have NO idea what was happening. We conjecture it was either the aftermath of a school play, or else graduation and these were the seniors being celebrated by. . .jumping out of a 3rd or 4th story window to float down over their classmates. It was the strangest thing ever. Neither Lindsy nor I had a camera, so all we have is this very odd memory of kids jumping out of windows, with a little fog machine running, and just kind of hanging like sad sacks until they got down haha. There were 2 girls who actually tried to look like they were flying down, but the rest really just hung there. Ridiculous. Then, after all the kids had jumped out of the window, the band started playing American Motown. AMAZING. They did "Hit The Road Jack" and "Mustang Sally," and then Lindsy and I had to go. Since I turned in my first Hausarbeit (major research paper worth my entire grade, basically) today, I have now been relaxing and playing guitar. Tomorrow I'm doing a bike ride, and then starting Hausarbeit number 2. I am hoping to finish that by Saturday, and then I'll just have 2 more assignments to finish up (but they aren't too bad.) Then it's relax until I head back home! It's insane how fast this has all gone. I really am going to miss my friends so much who are leaving next week. . .I wish people were hanging around! But it will give me more time to write poetry and guitar and whatnot. OK, bed time!!
Friday, July 18, 2008
Off with his head, man! Off with his head!
Sorry for the morbid-sounding title; it's merely an awesome lyric from an awesome song by an awesome band (if you've been keeping up with my recent posts, you can guess which band:)) After so much productivity, this week has been decidedly less productive:-P However, I have already re-read the text I am writing my first paper on (Herman Melville's "Benito Cereno," for the curious,) and highlighted textual evidence. I am currently elbow-deep in sources that I now have to read through and pull ideas from, and then finally (I am hoping by late tomorrow or Sunday) I will begin the writing process! This first paper isn't actually due until next Saturday, aka a week from tomorrow, but I would much rather finish earlier, start/finish my second paper, and type my notes for one of my classes so that I can be totally DONE and enjoy my last weeks here in Freiburg. My intent was to travel around in my last few weeks here, but I have almost NO money. I am actually very much in trouble, money-wise; I have happily paid for all of my rent that is due before I leave, but I still have to (at the very LEAST) pay for a train ticket to Stuttgart as well as a hostel for 2 nights (that is where my flight takes off from) and also buy food for my last month here haha:-P A quiet plea to any and all of my wonderful readers - if you can contribute ANYthing, monetarily speaking, I will be forever grateful. I am being very careful and no longer eat out at all; unfortunately, the dollar is failing me. Anywho, I am excited to fully utilize my Freiburgian freedom once I have it. A pal of mine, Eric, is going to be visiting me in August, so I get to play hostess which should be a lot of fun. Then in the remaining time, I am hoping to hang out with my roommates (we are all in our little cave-rooms, acting like total hermits, during this crazy busy time.) And of course I will keep up the bike riding and guitar playing. That's just a given! Anywho, I have to stop procrastinating now and get to my research papers. Love you all and - we're in the final stretch!!
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Jag mår bra, tack!
So I'm done with Swedish! Our class meets next week to watch a movie, and I *think* to get our exams back, but I did the exam today and feel that it went pretty well!! There was a whole section I had forgotten we even discussed (which is pretty crazy since we spent most of a day on it) so I know I didn't do well on that part, but that was only 10 points out of something like 100 or 150. I'm not too worried. Anywho, now I am taking a BREAK this evening, because ever since I've been back from Berlin, I've been SUPER fleiβig (studious.) I am playing guitar, watching some online TV, listening to Radiohead and going to sleep EARLY. Then in the morning, I have to get up early to make my appointment to move out. It freaks me out that my grand adventure has almost come to an end. Right now I'm scrambling to find a hard case for my guitar so I can safely bring it home; if I can't find one, I am considering selling her. I don't want to, at ALL. We are sisters! But still. I don't want to just take her up in the plane to have her break. Then again, I suppose I can get her fixed if that occurs, and that will probably still be cheaper than buying a new one altogether. We'll see. Then next step is to buy an electric guitar:) Anywho, all I have left in terms of assignments are 2 research papers, typing up some notes, and continuing my editing of manuscript for my book publishing class. Not too shabby!! I should be done with one paper by Sunday, if I can follow my schedule I set out for myself. And then I'll finish the next essay by the end of next week, and then holy cow. . .it'll almost be the end of July. Absolutely. Insane. I am at such a strange juncture right now, where I am excited to go home, but SO sad all at the same time. I just need to live in the moment and enjoy every second I have left here! I leave you today with the REAL setlist from the Berlin show, which I found on an awesome Radiohead fan website:) A week later, and I'm still basking in the glory that is this band.
Berlin - Wuhlheide - July 8th
01. 15 Step
02. Airbag
03. There There
04. All I Need (The one where it started to rain like crazy.)
05. Where I End And You Begin
06. Nude (The first time I called Edward.)
07. Weird Fishes
08. The Gloaming
09. Videotape (The second time I called Edward.)
10. No Surprises (The third time I called Edward!! They played the song we wanted!!)
11. Jigsaw Falling Into Place (The one where the head-bangers got kicked out of our area.)
12. My Iron Lung
13. A Wolf At The Door
14. Reckoner
15. Everything In Its Right Place
16. Bangers And Mash
17. Bodysnatchers
Encore1:
18. Cymbal Rush (The one Thom played by his lonesome.)
19. You And Whose Army
20. Paranoid Android
21. Dollars and Cents
22. Idioteque
Encore 2:
23. House Of Cards
24. The National Anthem
25. Street Spirit (Fade Out)
Berlin - Wuhlheide - July 8th
01. 15 Step
02. Airbag
03. There There
04. All I Need (The one where it started to rain like crazy.)
05. Where I End And You Begin
06. Nude (The first time I called Edward.)
07. Weird Fishes
08. The Gloaming
09. Videotape (The second time I called Edward.)
10. No Surprises (The third time I called Edward!! They played the song we wanted!!)
11. Jigsaw Falling Into Place (The one where the head-bangers got kicked out of our area.)
12. My Iron Lung
13. A Wolf At The Door
14. Reckoner
15. Everything In Its Right Place
16. Bangers And Mash
17. Bodysnatchers
Encore1:
18. Cymbal Rush (The one Thom played by his lonesome.)
19. You And Whose Army
20. Paranoid Android
21. Dollars and Cents
22. Idioteque
Encore 2:
23. House Of Cards
24. The National Anthem
25. Street Spirit (Fade Out)
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Berlin Breakdown
Ok, so this is copied over from the "journal" I kept in a word document on my computer, so it's all broken up in days and moments and whatnot. I still don't think I've done justice to the Radiohead show in my rememberance here, so if you have a chance to ask me about it, hopefully my actual voice will be able to express its awesomeness. Ok, here we go!
Berlin
I know I’m going to forget little occurrences, little experiences that are now a part of me. But I’m going to do my best to “re-live” Berlin here in text form. Here we go!
Sunday, July 6th
I woke up at 7 in the morning, despite ANOTHER shoddy night of sleep (hoorah?) Luckily, I was excited and that woke me up. I showered off and grabbed breakfast, which I intended to be big (knowing I wouldn’t really have time for lunch,) but instead my nervous/upset stomach caused me to choke down half a cup of yogurt and half a glass of OJ. OK, I thought, not the best start but here we go. I had packed all of my things the night before, so I just added my bathroom stuff and headed out. I got to the train station about 20 or so minutes early, and figured out which car I was supposed to sit in. I read the preface to ‘Life of Pi,’ which I had borrowed from my pal Margaret. Then the train came, and I boarded. I had a reserved seat, but what I didn’t know is that they put me at this round-table, and a family had decided to try their luck and sit there. I thought, ok, I don’t want to break them up, so I moved to the back and sat in a DIFFERENT reserved seat, not yet QUITE knowing how all that stuff worked. I was by the window, and all of these YOUNG American kids all sat around me. They reminded me of how Scott visited Germany in high school (although I doubt they were older than middle-school age.) They were sweet, and, thankfully, pretty quiet. I stuck my earbuds in and rocked out to Coldplay and, of course, Radiohead. We went along for an hour or two, and then just as I was about to take a nap, we stopped at a stop where about 3 different “groups” boarded. One of them happened to own all of the seats in the back. I knew what I was going to have to do, but felt mean, so I tried to enlist a train attendant to help me kick out whoever was in my seat by faking ignorance. I said, “Ich weiss, dass ich ein Platz reserviert habe, aber nicht welches!” She very kindly said, “Ah ja, du bist in platz 66 – das ist nur da!” Damn, I thought. I thanked her and pushed drearily towards my mean-ness. It was a different group, a grandma and her two granddaughters and a nice older woman. I told them the situation, and they moved around. Still, I felt bad. Luckily the grandma/granddaughters got off in the next stop or two. I enjoyed the scenery and my music for basically the remainder of the trip. I wrote some notes about the scenery stuff – I loved it, although I have to admit, nothing can be the Rhine. That was just GORGEOUS. Anywho, when we pulled into Berlin after six and a half hours, I was anxious. I thought I might try the Bahn system to get nearer to my hotel, and then decided the money was worth the peace of mind/ease, so I settled on a taxi. I got off the train in the Berlin Hauptbahnhof, which is like a freaking MEGA MALL. It was HUMONGOUS, I don’t know how to stress this enough. I made the mental note that I would need to get there really early on Wednesday, to be sure I could find the correct Gleis (track.) Then I trekked out to the taxi area. I saw an empty one pull up with a woman driver, and thought she looked nice so I went for it. I had noticed that the woman who took the taxi before me sat in the front seat, so with only a little hesitation I did, too. She didn’t seem phased! I showed her my address of my hotel, and then we took an approximately 15 or so minute mini-tour! She was SO nice, and we chatted in German about why I was there, and how she had visited New York City, and just everything. She told me some things I needed to see, and then we arrived at my hotel! I thanked her and tipped her and headed in to the Sylter Hof *Berlin.* Let me tell you. . .my hotel is BALLING. It is awesome!!! It’s on a super-main popular street in Berlin, right by Wittenburgplatz which houses the famous shopping center KaDeWe (which I intend to peek into tomorrow.) The receptionists are super sweet, and the keys are so cool – they’re on huge, thick gold keychains with leathery bottoms, and you have to turn them in whenever you go out and reclaim them when you return. The one freak-out I had with check in is that my debit card didn’t work (basically because it was a foreign debit card), but all that meant is that I had to search around for an ATM machine. I found one, and grabbed a pastry on the way home (by the way, for those of you keeping track, in sum today I ate: half a cup of yogurt, half a glass of OJ, a big Snickers bar I failed to mention on the train (blocked it out because the snacks guy was super rude,) and a pastry. Woot.) Then I paid and returned to my FANTASTIC room, with a nice big bathroom, minibar, closet, huge window out into the city and a TV. I grabbed a Coke from the minibar and watched German MTV while snacking on my pastry. I had received a message from Uli’s pal Friederike (and now my friend!) when I arrived that said she hoped I arrived well and would call me later. I spent quite a while in my room, feeling nervous to leave, until finally I had a U-Bahn plan and a place where I wanted to go. I headed out to Wittenburgplatz, found the U, and headed toward Charlottenburg, to see the Charlottenburg Palace. I arrived pretty easily, and followed the convenient signs to where I wanted to be. I took some pictures along the way, and finally got up close to the palace. A nice man on a bike offered to take my picture, and I consented. He said something in German about how you have to ask for help when you travel alone and want these things:) I wandered towards the palace, and saw a gate open on the side, so I checked it out. It was a gate into the palace garden, where I wandered for a bit until I received a call from Friederike! We planned to meet up at about 9:30, and she explained how I would get there. I intended to go home first and change into something cute, but didn’t have time, so I went straight to Schlesisches Tor, which actually wasn’t a “straight” path at all due to construction. But no biggie, I was only lost for about 5 minutes. I climbed out of the tram, and waited to hear from her. A guy friend of hers, Julian, was also going to meet us, but having never met either of them, I wasn’t really sure what they looked like! Friederike was running late because of rain, so at around 10 or so she arrived and we met. She is just a lovely, friendly person! Then Julian came over, and he was also very nice. We headed to a bar that was kind of on a river/dam thing, so it was really pretty. Luckily it had stopped raining for the most part at this point! I ordered a Coke (which was the last thing I had to consume of the day – what a horrible day for eating!) We sat for a while, but as my eyelids got heavier I knew it was time to head home. We all headed back to the Bahnhof together, and Julian and I rode together for a little while until he helped me get on the right track home. I arrived at home at around 1am, and was in bed and asleep at around 2am.
Monday, July 7th
I had set my alarm for 9am to be sure I got to partake in the buffet breakfast I paid for, but for some odd reason woke up at 8am which was sad. I tried falling back asleep, but no dice. I got up, took a shower and got myself all ready, and then headed down to breakfast. It was tasty, and again the workers were super sweet. I had a big roll with butter on half and Nutella on the other, 2 glasses of multi-vitamin drink (which is SO tasty,) a peach and a bowl of cereal. Not too shabby! Then I came back upstairs, organized myself, and headed out to meet Friederike at Postdamer Platz. When I got to the Wittenburgplatz Bahnhof, the Deutsches Red Cross was standing outside trying to get some money. A friendly guy from Austria, Lukas, introduced himself and gave me the spiel. He was super sweet, and I felt so bad but I obviously knew it would be difficult for me to contribute every month since I’m leaving in a month. Plus, then I realized I don’t even have a German bank account! I told him, and he brought over one of his “associates” who was tall and blond and he said, “Aww that’s too bad!” but then they both told me how nice I was, and shook my hand before I left. It was my ego-boost for the morning! The tram went quickly, and I was early, so I walked around and got to see on the ground where the Berliner Mauer (Berlin Wall) had stood. Then I wandered to the main exit for the Bahnhof, and there were actually pieces of the wall on display. It was really cool to see, AND there was a guy dressed in guard clothes “stamping passports” the way they used to when you really had to cross from West to East Berlin or whichever way you were crossing. I paid the 2 Euros and now own a passport with all kinds of stamps! Coooool:) Then I met Friederike, and we headed out. First we walked towards a Holocaust Memorial, with 2,000-some different sized concrete blocks in different heights and tilted and it was really quite powerful to see. We caught the end of an English-version tour about it, and the tour guide did a good job handling material, I thought. Unfortunately the museum was closed, so that was a no-go. After that, we went to Dem Deutschen Volke, and we were going to climb up and see a good view of Berlin, but the line was too long and I decided my time was too short. However, there were some AWESOME street performers all dressed in black with white masks, all a part of one giant skinny orange tubey puppet! I’ll try to post a picture later. Then we headed towards Unter den Linden, a really famous street in Berlin. We passed the new American embassy, and of course saw the Brandenburg Gate. We headed along on Unter den Linden, passing embassies (the most impressive being the Russian, which was HUGE,) a VW store, the Berlin Castle and the Berlin Opera (which was really gorgeous) and Humboldt Universitaet. Then we came to the Dom, and by this time we were STARVING. So we paused for a minute but then headed down another street, passing museums of all kinds, until we got to a tram stop. I tried to buy water while we waited, but JUST as I got to the cash register, the train pulled up so I left the water and ran. We got pizza at a place Friederike loves, in an area of East Berlin where apparently a lot of artists live! After that, we stopped in at a boutique called “Kauf Dich Gluecklich” (Shop Yourself Happy – so appropriate!) I found the PERFECT shirt there (sorry for all of these caps, I just need to explain how important all of these things are:-P) It’s long and black, with flowers all over the top and cute butterfly sleeves, and and and (here comes the best part) on the bottom, it has a graphic with piano keys, with cats running all over them, and a big music note in the middle!!! Music and cats, people. It was the last one in the store, and Friederike and I agreed it was made for me. I got it, and will forever remember Berlin when I wear it:) Then we headed towards another part of the city, where there were tons of shops and cafes and a cemetery. Then we headed to a Bahnhof in the area, where Friederike just had enough time to point me in the direction of the Jewish Museum before she had to literally run to her tram so she could pick up her brother from school. I got on a tram, got off on the right stop, and headed towards the museum, a little less confident without my tour guide (despite pulling off solo-touring the day before.) As I walked along, a man was walking in my direction, and we accidentally locked eyes so I smiled. I was heading on my way, when he stops and starts talking to me. I was a little freaked out, because I could have sworn he had a gold purse in his hands (it turned out it was just a canvas bag, ridiculous me) so I thought he was eccentric:P Really, he was just Joe, from France, now living in Berlin as a cook! He stopped me because he wanted to take me out for coffee or something. I was a little suspicious and am also unavailable, but I thought it was sweet and felt happy that he thought I was so pretty! He ended up escorting me to the Jewish Museum and we talked about where he was living in Berlin, and how he had a friend in California and stuff. He told me I speak wonderful German (something I keep hearing from everyone – huzzah!! I have arrived:)) He pointed out the Jewish Museum, and gave me his number in the event that I changed my mind about coffee. Then I headed towards the gray, jarring building that is the Jewish Museum. The portion dedicated to memorializing the Holocaust was very moving, but I also liked that the museum was meant to celebrate Jewish life, and not just victimize an entire culture (overheard a tour guide saying this, and really felt it, too.) However, I was EXHAUSTED from walking around all day, so I kind of rushed through. I spent an hour and a half there, and then decided it was time to trek home. I did, and then came the ridiculous excursion that was ordering pizza to a hotel. It took me three tries before I found anyone who could do it, but it was worth it – I ate my fill of (more) pizza and about half a pint of Haagen Dazs. The lovely receptionist working even brought me up a spoon! So glad I asked, it saved me the time and energy of going out to try to find one! I watched German TV, or rather, a German-dubbed version of “Under The Tuscan Sun.” I’ve never seen it, but now I want to (not because I didn’t understand the German version, but because I finally turned it off because it was distracting me from recounting my day!) Right now, it is dark outside as I look out my window. Berlin is a fantastic city, and I truly think I could live here for a while. But I would want some kind of family or close group of friends here, because it is wonderful to be the queen of your hotel room, but quite lonely, too. I miss so many people right now, and I don’t want that to get in the way of my last month of experiences here, but it is hard not to be excited about being back to life in Austin. I will add the Radiohead experience tomorrow when I’m back, because I have a feeling I won’t want to sleep right away:) And then, of course, I will just have the trip on the train home (another six and a half hours,) and then SO much homework it’s going to make my head spin, I know it. But I’ll take care of it, and moving out business, and everything else I need to do by the end of July. I’ll keep riding my bike with Lindsy and on my own, keep hanging out with Margaret and Maria and David and everyone else, and before I know it, August will be here and I will have 2 weeks until I get to hug you all again, with my arms or with words of love from your own continent:) I will say that I miss playing guitar TERRIBLY. I want nothing more than to belt out a Radiohead song in preparation for tomorrow! Anyway, I’m exhausted so it’s time for bed. See you after tomorrow!!
Tuesday, July 8th
I tried to sleep in, but (as usual these past few days) sleep didn’t come very easily so I was up at around 8:30am. I showered, and realized my toilet was broken (the flusher was a button, and it had fallen in.) I decided to deal with it later, or see if the housekeeping would notice and take care of it for me. I grabbed my things, and went to have breakfast. Just ran upstairs quickly to brush teeth, and I was out for my day. Friederike and I decided to meet at noon, so I wanted to do something nearby that would take up time. I went to the famous shopping center, KaDeWe, and it really was ginormous! Stories and stories of expensive stuff. The bathroom was even one of those fancy ones with people who wait on you. The woman there didn’t really do anything, but I left a tip anyway, because it seemed appropriate. Then I continued wandering around. They had tons of books, music, and videos, but my favorites were the journals. They were really beautiful! Very intricate designs. I went down to the clothes area, and they really had some amazingly cute stuff, but nothing in my size (which was good, because everything was SO expensive!!! Like, 350 Euros-which-translates-to-close-to-650-dollars expensive.) I went back up to the entertainment section before I left, and bought a cheap collection of Simon and Garfunkel CDs – 5 CDs and a DVD for only 30 Euro!! Yay:) I forgot to mention – saw my pal Lukas from the Deutsches Red Cross again, so I said hi. Apparently they had luck the previous day! Good for them. Then, after I was all done shopping and whatnot, I went to the station where I waited for Friederike. From there, we started walking towards a cafe, but it started to POUR rain so we switched to a different cafe, and I’m glad we did. It was called Cafe Bilder-something, and it was SO COOL! They were playing super old American songs, from the 20s it sounded like, and they had books all around and board games to pull out. I got tortellini there that was super tasty, and had to take some of it back to the hotel. Then Friederike’s sister joined us, and they took me to the bus stop where I hopped on and got back to my place. Then I decided to rest, until Radiohead.
As I was taking the tram over, I started to pick out the people who were going to the concert. I heard English, French, Italian, lots of German and even some Swedish! Even though the doors opened at 5pm, I left my hotel at just before 5pm, which put me at Wulheide at around 6pm. This was PERFECT. I was able to get about 50 feet or less from the stage, in the center. I sat until around 7pm, when Modeselektor was supposed to come on. They were a little late, but not too bad. They’re an electronic band from Berlin, and although I am not a huge fan, their beats were cool and they had cool samples (including a really cool Bjork sample!) When they left the stage, of course it got a little more crowded but it was kind of nice. A couple of German guys scooched to my left, and I was glad because they were really entertaining. Just before Radiohead came on, it started to rain. Throughout the entire concert, in fact, it decided to pour at various intervals. Honestly. . .I loved it. It was perfect! Thom Yorke even said later, “Sorry about the rain, but it is a Radiohead show.” Anywho, their set was awesome – individual sets of silver bars came swooping across the stage to hang down in vertical lines. They were like layers and layers of curtains, and they really set the tone. Finally, after chanting and excitement and waiting and rain, the band took the stage and kicked it off with ‘15 Step’, which is what I thought they might do! It was, of course, phenomenal. Then it was ‘Airbag,’ one of my favorite songs of late, but unfortunately the song was semi-ruined by some jerks who pushed their way in front and blocked my view (they were all SUPER tall.) I didn’t mind them nearly as much as these other two guys who tagged along with them – they moshed, like violently, the entire time they stood by my little group of people, thoroughly pissing ALL of us off. Eventually, during another of my favorite songs, they were told to get the hell out and left. Anywho, my memory is a little shady on all of the songs but I’ll try to remember as many as I can, in the best order I can: ‘All I Need’ (the rain was POURING and I started to cry and it was kind of a perfect, bittersweet moment;) ‘Nude,’ ‘Bodysnatchers,’ ‘Videotape,’ ‘No Surprises,’ ‘Street Spirit (Fade Out),’ ‘The National Anthem,’ ‘You And Whose Army?’ ‘My Iron Lung,’ ‘I Might Be Wrong,’ ‘Weird Fishes/Arpeggi,’ ‘Reckoner,’ ‘House Of Cards,’ ‘Jigsaw Falling Into Place,’ ‘Everything In Its Right Place,’ ‘Idioteque,’ ‘Paranoid Android,’ and probably a few more I’m missing. Also the order is TOTALLY wrong, only the first two were easy for me to remember the order. And then the first few in my list are KIND of in order, but after ‘No Surprises’ it’s just random. During a solo-Yorke song that I didn’t recognize, Thom messed up the first 2 times he tried to start the song. We all cheered him on, and he laughed and said, “Why don’t you all come up here and do it?” Also, at the very end after the final song of the final encore, Thom said, “Goodnight, darling!” to us all. So sweet, such a lovely bunch of guys:) Anyway, the setting was AWESOME, amazing lights, great crowd (minus nasty violent guys,) amazing songs. . .they did ‘No Surprises’ which is the one I had asked for in my head before the show, so I totally felt like we were on the same wavelength! (They have SO many songs, they really could have skipped it.) There are still so many more I want to hear live! Basically I just need to seem them live again and again until I hear all the ones I want:) I bought a shirt at the very beginning which I LOVE and I’m just so happy, but now I’m exhausted. I wish I could share more vividly how incredible the show was, because Thom Yorke is such an artist and he really feels the music when he plays – you can tell by the way he moves. Jonny Greenwood was incredible, the whole band was incredible. It was beautiful and wonderful and I can’t wait until the next time!! For now, I need to sleep because I am leaving Berlin early, early, EARLY in the morning. Farewell to a fabulous city that helped me rebuild myself.
Berlin
I know I’m going to forget little occurrences, little experiences that are now a part of me. But I’m going to do my best to “re-live” Berlin here in text form. Here we go!
Sunday, July 6th
I woke up at 7 in the morning, despite ANOTHER shoddy night of sleep (hoorah?) Luckily, I was excited and that woke me up. I showered off and grabbed breakfast, which I intended to be big (knowing I wouldn’t really have time for lunch,) but instead my nervous/upset stomach caused me to choke down half a cup of yogurt and half a glass of OJ. OK, I thought, not the best start but here we go. I had packed all of my things the night before, so I just added my bathroom stuff and headed out. I got to the train station about 20 or so minutes early, and figured out which car I was supposed to sit in. I read the preface to ‘Life of Pi,’ which I had borrowed from my pal Margaret. Then the train came, and I boarded. I had a reserved seat, but what I didn’t know is that they put me at this round-table, and a family had decided to try their luck and sit there. I thought, ok, I don’t want to break them up, so I moved to the back and sat in a DIFFERENT reserved seat, not yet QUITE knowing how all that stuff worked. I was by the window, and all of these YOUNG American kids all sat around me. They reminded me of how Scott visited Germany in high school (although I doubt they were older than middle-school age.) They were sweet, and, thankfully, pretty quiet. I stuck my earbuds in and rocked out to Coldplay and, of course, Radiohead. We went along for an hour or two, and then just as I was about to take a nap, we stopped at a stop where about 3 different “groups” boarded. One of them happened to own all of the seats in the back. I knew what I was going to have to do, but felt mean, so I tried to enlist a train attendant to help me kick out whoever was in my seat by faking ignorance. I said, “Ich weiss, dass ich ein Platz reserviert habe, aber nicht welches!” She very kindly said, “Ah ja, du bist in platz 66 – das ist nur da!” Damn, I thought. I thanked her and pushed drearily towards my mean-ness. It was a different group, a grandma and her two granddaughters and a nice older woman. I told them the situation, and they moved around. Still, I felt bad. Luckily the grandma/granddaughters got off in the next stop or two. I enjoyed the scenery and my music for basically the remainder of the trip. I wrote some notes about the scenery stuff – I loved it, although I have to admit, nothing can be the Rhine. That was just GORGEOUS. Anywho, when we pulled into Berlin after six and a half hours, I was anxious. I thought I might try the Bahn system to get nearer to my hotel, and then decided the money was worth the peace of mind/ease, so I settled on a taxi. I got off the train in the Berlin Hauptbahnhof, which is like a freaking MEGA MALL. It was HUMONGOUS, I don’t know how to stress this enough. I made the mental note that I would need to get there really early on Wednesday, to be sure I could find the correct Gleis (track.) Then I trekked out to the taxi area. I saw an empty one pull up with a woman driver, and thought she looked nice so I went for it. I had noticed that the woman who took the taxi before me sat in the front seat, so with only a little hesitation I did, too. She didn’t seem phased! I showed her my address of my hotel, and then we took an approximately 15 or so minute mini-tour! She was SO nice, and we chatted in German about why I was there, and how she had visited New York City, and just everything. She told me some things I needed to see, and then we arrived at my hotel! I thanked her and tipped her and headed in to the Sylter Hof *Berlin.* Let me tell you. . .my hotel is BALLING. It is awesome!!! It’s on a super-main popular street in Berlin, right by Wittenburgplatz which houses the famous shopping center KaDeWe (which I intend to peek into tomorrow.) The receptionists are super sweet, and the keys are so cool – they’re on huge, thick gold keychains with leathery bottoms, and you have to turn them in whenever you go out and reclaim them when you return. The one freak-out I had with check in is that my debit card didn’t work (basically because it was a foreign debit card), but all that meant is that I had to search around for an ATM machine. I found one, and grabbed a pastry on the way home (by the way, for those of you keeping track, in sum today I ate: half a cup of yogurt, half a glass of OJ, a big Snickers bar I failed to mention on the train (blocked it out because the snacks guy was super rude,) and a pastry. Woot.) Then I paid and returned to my FANTASTIC room, with a nice big bathroom, minibar, closet, huge window out into the city and a TV. I grabbed a Coke from the minibar and watched German MTV while snacking on my pastry. I had received a message from Uli’s pal Friederike (and now my friend!) when I arrived that said she hoped I arrived well and would call me later. I spent quite a while in my room, feeling nervous to leave, until finally I had a U-Bahn plan and a place where I wanted to go. I headed out to Wittenburgplatz, found the U, and headed toward Charlottenburg, to see the Charlottenburg Palace. I arrived pretty easily, and followed the convenient signs to where I wanted to be. I took some pictures along the way, and finally got up close to the palace. A nice man on a bike offered to take my picture, and I consented. He said something in German about how you have to ask for help when you travel alone and want these things:) I wandered towards the palace, and saw a gate open on the side, so I checked it out. It was a gate into the palace garden, where I wandered for a bit until I received a call from Friederike! We planned to meet up at about 9:30, and she explained how I would get there. I intended to go home first and change into something cute, but didn’t have time, so I went straight to Schlesisches Tor, which actually wasn’t a “straight” path at all due to construction. But no biggie, I was only lost for about 5 minutes. I climbed out of the tram, and waited to hear from her. A guy friend of hers, Julian, was also going to meet us, but having never met either of them, I wasn’t really sure what they looked like! Friederike was running late because of rain, so at around 10 or so she arrived and we met. She is just a lovely, friendly person! Then Julian came over, and he was also very nice. We headed to a bar that was kind of on a river/dam thing, so it was really pretty. Luckily it had stopped raining for the most part at this point! I ordered a Coke (which was the last thing I had to consume of the day – what a horrible day for eating!) We sat for a while, but as my eyelids got heavier I knew it was time to head home. We all headed back to the Bahnhof together, and Julian and I rode together for a little while until he helped me get on the right track home. I arrived at home at around 1am, and was in bed and asleep at around 2am.
Monday, July 7th
I had set my alarm for 9am to be sure I got to partake in the buffet breakfast I paid for, but for some odd reason woke up at 8am which was sad. I tried falling back asleep, but no dice. I got up, took a shower and got myself all ready, and then headed down to breakfast. It was tasty, and again the workers were super sweet. I had a big roll with butter on half and Nutella on the other, 2 glasses of multi-vitamin drink (which is SO tasty,) a peach and a bowl of cereal. Not too shabby! Then I came back upstairs, organized myself, and headed out to meet Friederike at Postdamer Platz. When I got to the Wittenburgplatz Bahnhof, the Deutsches Red Cross was standing outside trying to get some money. A friendly guy from Austria, Lukas, introduced himself and gave me the spiel. He was super sweet, and I felt so bad but I obviously knew it would be difficult for me to contribute every month since I’m leaving in a month. Plus, then I realized I don’t even have a German bank account! I told him, and he brought over one of his “associates” who was tall and blond and he said, “Aww that’s too bad!” but then they both told me how nice I was, and shook my hand before I left. It was my ego-boost for the morning! The tram went quickly, and I was early, so I walked around and got to see on the ground where the Berliner Mauer (Berlin Wall) had stood. Then I wandered to the main exit for the Bahnhof, and there were actually pieces of the wall on display. It was really cool to see, AND there was a guy dressed in guard clothes “stamping passports” the way they used to when you really had to cross from West to East Berlin or whichever way you were crossing. I paid the 2 Euros and now own a passport with all kinds of stamps! Coooool:) Then I met Friederike, and we headed out. First we walked towards a Holocaust Memorial, with 2,000-some different sized concrete blocks in different heights and tilted and it was really quite powerful to see. We caught the end of an English-version tour about it, and the tour guide did a good job handling material, I thought. Unfortunately the museum was closed, so that was a no-go. After that, we went to Dem Deutschen Volke, and we were going to climb up and see a good view of Berlin, but the line was too long and I decided my time was too short. However, there were some AWESOME street performers all dressed in black with white masks, all a part of one giant skinny orange tubey puppet! I’ll try to post a picture later. Then we headed towards Unter den Linden, a really famous street in Berlin. We passed the new American embassy, and of course saw the Brandenburg Gate. We headed along on Unter den Linden, passing embassies (the most impressive being the Russian, which was HUGE,) a VW store, the Berlin Castle and the Berlin Opera (which was really gorgeous) and Humboldt Universitaet. Then we came to the Dom, and by this time we were STARVING. So we paused for a minute but then headed down another street, passing museums of all kinds, until we got to a tram stop. I tried to buy water while we waited, but JUST as I got to the cash register, the train pulled up so I left the water and ran. We got pizza at a place Friederike loves, in an area of East Berlin where apparently a lot of artists live! After that, we stopped in at a boutique called “Kauf Dich Gluecklich” (Shop Yourself Happy – so appropriate!) I found the PERFECT shirt there (sorry for all of these caps, I just need to explain how important all of these things are:-P) It’s long and black, with flowers all over the top and cute butterfly sleeves, and and and (here comes the best part) on the bottom, it has a graphic with piano keys, with cats running all over them, and a big music note in the middle!!! Music and cats, people. It was the last one in the store, and Friederike and I agreed it was made for me. I got it, and will forever remember Berlin when I wear it:) Then we headed towards another part of the city, where there were tons of shops and cafes and a cemetery. Then we headed to a Bahnhof in the area, where Friederike just had enough time to point me in the direction of the Jewish Museum before she had to literally run to her tram so she could pick up her brother from school. I got on a tram, got off on the right stop, and headed towards the museum, a little less confident without my tour guide (despite pulling off solo-touring the day before.) As I walked along, a man was walking in my direction, and we accidentally locked eyes so I smiled. I was heading on my way, when he stops and starts talking to me. I was a little freaked out, because I could have sworn he had a gold purse in his hands (it turned out it was just a canvas bag, ridiculous me) so I thought he was eccentric:P Really, he was just Joe, from France, now living in Berlin as a cook! He stopped me because he wanted to take me out for coffee or something. I was a little suspicious and am also unavailable, but I thought it was sweet and felt happy that he thought I was so pretty! He ended up escorting me to the Jewish Museum and we talked about where he was living in Berlin, and how he had a friend in California and stuff. He told me I speak wonderful German (something I keep hearing from everyone – huzzah!! I have arrived:)) He pointed out the Jewish Museum, and gave me his number in the event that I changed my mind about coffee. Then I headed towards the gray, jarring building that is the Jewish Museum. The portion dedicated to memorializing the Holocaust was very moving, but I also liked that the museum was meant to celebrate Jewish life, and not just victimize an entire culture (overheard a tour guide saying this, and really felt it, too.) However, I was EXHAUSTED from walking around all day, so I kind of rushed through. I spent an hour and a half there, and then decided it was time to trek home. I did, and then came the ridiculous excursion that was ordering pizza to a hotel. It took me three tries before I found anyone who could do it, but it was worth it – I ate my fill of (more) pizza and about half a pint of Haagen Dazs. The lovely receptionist working even brought me up a spoon! So glad I asked, it saved me the time and energy of going out to try to find one! I watched German TV, or rather, a German-dubbed version of “Under The Tuscan Sun.” I’ve never seen it, but now I want to (not because I didn’t understand the German version, but because I finally turned it off because it was distracting me from recounting my day!) Right now, it is dark outside as I look out my window. Berlin is a fantastic city, and I truly think I could live here for a while. But I would want some kind of family or close group of friends here, because it is wonderful to be the queen of your hotel room, but quite lonely, too. I miss so many people right now, and I don’t want that to get in the way of my last month of experiences here, but it is hard not to be excited about being back to life in Austin. I will add the Radiohead experience tomorrow when I’m back, because I have a feeling I won’t want to sleep right away:) And then, of course, I will just have the trip on the train home (another six and a half hours,) and then SO much homework it’s going to make my head spin, I know it. But I’ll take care of it, and moving out business, and everything else I need to do by the end of July. I’ll keep riding my bike with Lindsy and on my own, keep hanging out with Margaret and Maria and David and everyone else, and before I know it, August will be here and I will have 2 weeks until I get to hug you all again, with my arms or with words of love from your own continent:) I will say that I miss playing guitar TERRIBLY. I want nothing more than to belt out a Radiohead song in preparation for tomorrow! Anyway, I’m exhausted so it’s time for bed. See you after tomorrow!!
Tuesday, July 8th
I tried to sleep in, but (as usual these past few days) sleep didn’t come very easily so I was up at around 8:30am. I showered, and realized my toilet was broken (the flusher was a button, and it had fallen in.) I decided to deal with it later, or see if the housekeeping would notice and take care of it for me. I grabbed my things, and went to have breakfast. Just ran upstairs quickly to brush teeth, and I was out for my day. Friederike and I decided to meet at noon, so I wanted to do something nearby that would take up time. I went to the famous shopping center, KaDeWe, and it really was ginormous! Stories and stories of expensive stuff. The bathroom was even one of those fancy ones with people who wait on you. The woman there didn’t really do anything, but I left a tip anyway, because it seemed appropriate. Then I continued wandering around. They had tons of books, music, and videos, but my favorites were the journals. They were really beautiful! Very intricate designs. I went down to the clothes area, and they really had some amazingly cute stuff, but nothing in my size (which was good, because everything was SO expensive!!! Like, 350 Euros-which-translates-to-close-to-650-dollars expensive.) I went back up to the entertainment section before I left, and bought a cheap collection of Simon and Garfunkel CDs – 5 CDs and a DVD for only 30 Euro!! Yay:) I forgot to mention – saw my pal Lukas from the Deutsches Red Cross again, so I said hi. Apparently they had luck the previous day! Good for them. Then, after I was all done shopping and whatnot, I went to the station where I waited for Friederike. From there, we started walking towards a cafe, but it started to POUR rain so we switched to a different cafe, and I’m glad we did. It was called Cafe Bilder-something, and it was SO COOL! They were playing super old American songs, from the 20s it sounded like, and they had books all around and board games to pull out. I got tortellini there that was super tasty, and had to take some of it back to the hotel. Then Friederike’s sister joined us, and they took me to the bus stop where I hopped on and got back to my place. Then I decided to rest, until Radiohead.
As I was taking the tram over, I started to pick out the people who were going to the concert. I heard English, French, Italian, lots of German and even some Swedish! Even though the doors opened at 5pm, I left my hotel at just before 5pm, which put me at Wulheide at around 6pm. This was PERFECT. I was able to get about 50 feet or less from the stage, in the center. I sat until around 7pm, when Modeselektor was supposed to come on. They were a little late, but not too bad. They’re an electronic band from Berlin, and although I am not a huge fan, their beats were cool and they had cool samples (including a really cool Bjork sample!) When they left the stage, of course it got a little more crowded but it was kind of nice. A couple of German guys scooched to my left, and I was glad because they were really entertaining. Just before Radiohead came on, it started to rain. Throughout the entire concert, in fact, it decided to pour at various intervals. Honestly. . .I loved it. It was perfect! Thom Yorke even said later, “Sorry about the rain, but it is a Radiohead show.” Anywho, their set was awesome – individual sets of silver bars came swooping across the stage to hang down in vertical lines. They were like layers and layers of curtains, and they really set the tone. Finally, after chanting and excitement and waiting and rain, the band took the stage and kicked it off with ‘15 Step’, which is what I thought they might do! It was, of course, phenomenal. Then it was ‘Airbag,’ one of my favorite songs of late, but unfortunately the song was semi-ruined by some jerks who pushed their way in front and blocked my view (they were all SUPER tall.) I didn’t mind them nearly as much as these other two guys who tagged along with them – they moshed, like violently, the entire time they stood by my little group of people, thoroughly pissing ALL of us off. Eventually, during another of my favorite songs, they were told to get the hell out and left. Anywho, my memory is a little shady on all of the songs but I’ll try to remember as many as I can, in the best order I can: ‘All I Need’ (the rain was POURING and I started to cry and it was kind of a perfect, bittersweet moment;) ‘Nude,’ ‘Bodysnatchers,’ ‘Videotape,’ ‘No Surprises,’ ‘Street Spirit (Fade Out),’ ‘The National Anthem,’ ‘You And Whose Army?’ ‘My Iron Lung,’ ‘I Might Be Wrong,’ ‘Weird Fishes/Arpeggi,’ ‘Reckoner,’ ‘House Of Cards,’ ‘Jigsaw Falling Into Place,’ ‘Everything In Its Right Place,’ ‘Idioteque,’ ‘Paranoid Android,’ and probably a few more I’m missing. Also the order is TOTALLY wrong, only the first two were easy for me to remember the order. And then the first few in my list are KIND of in order, but after ‘No Surprises’ it’s just random. During a solo-Yorke song that I didn’t recognize, Thom messed up the first 2 times he tried to start the song. We all cheered him on, and he laughed and said, “Why don’t you all come up here and do it?” Also, at the very end after the final song of the final encore, Thom said, “Goodnight, darling!” to us all. So sweet, such a lovely bunch of guys:) Anyway, the setting was AWESOME, amazing lights, great crowd (minus nasty violent guys,) amazing songs. . .they did ‘No Surprises’ which is the one I had asked for in my head before the show, so I totally felt like we were on the same wavelength! (They have SO many songs, they really could have skipped it.) There are still so many more I want to hear live! Basically I just need to seem them live again and again until I hear all the ones I want:) I bought a shirt at the very beginning which I LOVE and I’m just so happy, but now I’m exhausted. I wish I could share more vividly how incredible the show was, because Thom Yorke is such an artist and he really feels the music when he plays – you can tell by the way he moves. Jonny Greenwood was incredible, the whole band was incredible. It was beautiful and wonderful and I can’t wait until the next time!! For now, I need to sleep because I am leaving Berlin early, early, EARLY in the morning. Farewell to a fabulous city that helped me rebuild myself.
Friday, July 4, 2008
Bruises that won't heal/You look so tired, unhappy/Bring down the Government/They don't, they don't speak for us.
The title today comes from a Radiohead song that I ADORE ("No Surprises.") I felt it was appropriate, as it had a little bit of a political meaning and it *is* (or was, as it is now midnight/the 5th of July in Germany) a holiday. I came on to write about the holiday, actually, because it was obviously a lot different to be in another country during your home country's "birthday."
I was going to have a grill party with a group of Americans, but my pal Margaret from the group said that everyone seemed to mostly just want to drink, and that wasn't what we were up for. So instead, we had dinner with a group of my international buddies. Maria from Sweden, Salem from Syria, Hallmeck (I hope I spelled her name right!!) from Armenia, a new fellow from Turkey I had never met, James from the US, and of course Margaret and I ate at this restaurant in Freiburg called Brennessel. We didn't really eat anything particularly American, although there were french fries offered (which, despite the name, I deem quite typically American.) In fact, I had Spaetzle, which is basically completely German. But in a way, it was celebrating some of our roots! So there. Then we went for ice cream, and sang a few classic American tunes along the way. Still, there were no fireworks and we ended the night pretty early. But we did talk about politics a little, and it is so interesting for me to realize how important American politics are to the entire world. It really affects everyone! We are quite a global community.
My time in Germany is quickly coming to a close. I have about a month and a half (a little less now) left. It's crazy! I'm excited to go home and be with all of my friends and loved ones, yet I know how I will miss Germany. My heart will ache for it, of that I'm sure. The landscape particularly - my bike rides are absolutely my new passion (and are also making my legs look amazing.) The first half is always uphill and a little bit more like work, but the ride back is ALWAYS gorgeous - I just lose myself in the scenery, coasting downhill almost the entire way home. I'm going on a ride in the morning with another American friend of mine, Lindsy. And then I will meet Margaret for dinner (we might hit up a flea market, but because I didn't do NEARLY as much homework today as I had planned, I'm thinking I might be forced to skip it.) Then it's packing like crazy, and getting to bed early. I've already got butterflies about Berlin, both excited and nervous. Adventures like this are always a little bit scary, but I've already got a contact I get to hang with for Sunday evening AND Monday:) Wunderbar! Then Tuesday is Radiohead at Wulheide stadium. I'm just in disbelief that I get to see them, in Berlin. It's crazy. It's going to be amazing.
On a more personal note, I haven't binged ALL week. This is particularly impressive, considering it's been one of the most stressful and difficult weeks of my life. I have to fight the urge sometimes, but I've been able to thus far and I am certainly proud. Still, it's a bit of an emotional roller coaster in my life right now. All I know is, I expect to grow from all of my experiences. Maybe this last month will be the month of the most growth of all. We shall see.
In the next month, I have 2 papers to write, tons of manuscript to edit, Swedish to finish/tests to take, and more stuff to read. But I can manage. I bought two "fun" books today for the trip to Berlin (which is a 6+ hour train ride, both ways.) One was 'The Little Prince,' and the other was a collection of shorts stories by Irish women. I'm excited! Plus I'm borrowing Margaret's copies of "The Life of Pi" and "11 Minutes." This will also be nice, because I don't think I'll be doing much of the nightlife in Berlin (aside from my concert). In a place like Cologne, I didn't feel too bad walking around on my own, plus I stayed in a youth hostel so I met friends there and could hang with them. In Berlin, the city is HUGE and I definitely don't feel safe walking alone. But maybe if my contact there decides to go out, I will go with! We'll just have to wait and see. I'm going to try to not spend too much money; the only stuff I want is food, and a Radiohead t-shirt. That should be enough. I'm borrowing my friend Maria's digital camera, and bought a throw-away for the Radiohead show, so I will hopefully be able to post pictures! OK, it's getting late and I have to get up early. I'll definitely be back to update after Berlin. Vi ses!
I was going to have a grill party with a group of Americans, but my pal Margaret from the group said that everyone seemed to mostly just want to drink, and that wasn't what we were up for. So instead, we had dinner with a group of my international buddies. Maria from Sweden, Salem from Syria, Hallmeck (I hope I spelled her name right!!) from Armenia, a new fellow from Turkey I had never met, James from the US, and of course Margaret and I ate at this restaurant in Freiburg called Brennessel. We didn't really eat anything particularly American, although there were french fries offered (which, despite the name, I deem quite typically American.) In fact, I had Spaetzle, which is basically completely German. But in a way, it was celebrating some of our roots! So there. Then we went for ice cream, and sang a few classic American tunes along the way. Still, there were no fireworks and we ended the night pretty early. But we did talk about politics a little, and it is so interesting for me to realize how important American politics are to the entire world. It really affects everyone! We are quite a global community.
My time in Germany is quickly coming to a close. I have about a month and a half (a little less now) left. It's crazy! I'm excited to go home and be with all of my friends and loved ones, yet I know how I will miss Germany. My heart will ache for it, of that I'm sure. The landscape particularly - my bike rides are absolutely my new passion (and are also making my legs look amazing.) The first half is always uphill and a little bit more like work, but the ride back is ALWAYS gorgeous - I just lose myself in the scenery, coasting downhill almost the entire way home. I'm going on a ride in the morning with another American friend of mine, Lindsy. And then I will meet Margaret for dinner (we might hit up a flea market, but because I didn't do NEARLY as much homework today as I had planned, I'm thinking I might be forced to skip it.) Then it's packing like crazy, and getting to bed early. I've already got butterflies about Berlin, both excited and nervous. Adventures like this are always a little bit scary, but I've already got a contact I get to hang with for Sunday evening AND Monday:) Wunderbar! Then Tuesday is Radiohead at Wulheide stadium. I'm just in disbelief that I get to see them, in Berlin. It's crazy. It's going to be amazing.
On a more personal note, I haven't binged ALL week. This is particularly impressive, considering it's been one of the most stressful and difficult weeks of my life. I have to fight the urge sometimes, but I've been able to thus far and I am certainly proud. Still, it's a bit of an emotional roller coaster in my life right now. All I know is, I expect to grow from all of my experiences. Maybe this last month will be the month of the most growth of all. We shall see.
In the next month, I have 2 papers to write, tons of manuscript to edit, Swedish to finish/tests to take, and more stuff to read. But I can manage. I bought two "fun" books today for the trip to Berlin (which is a 6+ hour train ride, both ways.) One was 'The Little Prince,' and the other was a collection of shorts stories by Irish women. I'm excited! Plus I'm borrowing Margaret's copies of "The Life of Pi" and "11 Minutes." This will also be nice, because I don't think I'll be doing much of the nightlife in Berlin (aside from my concert). In a place like Cologne, I didn't feel too bad walking around on my own, plus I stayed in a youth hostel so I met friends there and could hang with them. In Berlin, the city is HUGE and I definitely don't feel safe walking alone. But maybe if my contact there decides to go out, I will go with! We'll just have to wait and see. I'm going to try to not spend too much money; the only stuff I want is food, and a Radiohead t-shirt. That should be enough. I'm borrowing my friend Maria's digital camera, and bought a throw-away for the Radiohead show, so I will hopefully be able to post pictures! OK, it's getting late and I have to get up early. I'll definitely be back to update after Berlin. Vi ses!
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