Europe - A Retrospective

Being back in the states is a very strange experience, and not altogether pleasing. I am happy to see people I have been missing, but the place itself doesn't feel good to me anymore. The shops and the cars and the miles of roads and the lack of bicycles and the different air and the change in scenery - it is familiar, but it makes me restless. Playing guitar feels different, and not in the best of ways (although I am hoping with more and more practice, that will rectify itself.) I'm going to try not to be all gloomy-doomy about being back. I have an adorable apartment to decorate, and tons of people I have not yet been able to catch up with. I think those things will help propel me along to get through the year. Also, I want to explore cities here with the same vivacity and excited energy with which I explored cities in Europe. I also want to eat healthier, since I am a little "richer" (harhar) here than I was in Germany. I am excited about the future, but I am also kind of ready to get to a new place - as much as I've loved Austin, I'm ready to get out of Texas. There was a kind of magic in all of my adventures abroad, and (just like I said I would - remember??) of course I am now rose-color-glasses-ing everything. I know there were incredibly difficult times, but right now they seem to be so worth the rest of it all. I just feel very strange. A stranger in my own country. Anyway, I will try to update again once I've been here a while, to see what changes and what stays the same. For now, I just feel restless and a little tired and a little sad.

Just 'cause you feel it, doesn't mean it's there.

When Eric was visiting, he "fixed" my iPod, which has allowed me to delve into the one Radiohead album I *didn't* have on my computer, 'Hail To The Thief.' That is where the title to this post comes from:) Today has been a nice day; I managed to semi-sleep in, with only a little bit of waking up in between falling asleep and finally getting out of bed. Then I took off on my second-to-last bike ride. It's bittersweet, knowing tomorrow will be the last time I get to ride through beautiful Littenweiler, through steep mountains littered with pine-and-other-trees, clouds gently kissing the tops, blue sky background but without the intense heat of the summer sun. The air smells fresh (except the areas where cow and horse poop fills your lungs:-P) and the cool breeze is refreshing, chill without stinging. Sigur Ros was my background music today, and it was low enough not to overpower the whoosh of the wind past my ears. I have to admit, I feel pretty lucky to take the world in the way I do. I know not everybody can experience things, particularly in nature, the way I can. I know it makes me semi-weird, but I also love the richness it gives my life. There are magical moments that become imprinted in me; not that I can remember images exactly, but I know that the moments are changing who I am. The ride today was also easier than usual; I had more energy, and really enjoyed feeling the rise and fall of the hills. I also managed to get up one of 2 impossible hills on my ride! I'll go for the other one tomorrow:) Today, I tried it, but I also tried to shift down into a lower gear, and the lower gears on my roommate's bike just do not work - they always slip out of place and I kind of go out of control for a while:-P So I just have to push with all my own strength. It feels like pushing through thick mud or something, but it's kind of fun! The rest of today, I intend to start packing things away and sifting through all of the stuff I've collected, throwing out a good bit to make sure everything fits. It will take a lot of planning, 'cause I need to figure out what I'll be wearing the next 6 days. I also need to run to the grocery store and make sure I have dinner for tomorrow. Then I'll be seeing a movie tonight with my friend Belinda! Yesterday I saw "Mamma Mia!" (in German, except the songs:-P) with Uli, which was SO much fun. We also made quiche for dinner, which I'd never done, and it was fantaaastic. Tomorrow is a 'finish packing' day, and I'll also be meeting with Maria and Belinda for an ice cream farewell in the evening. Monday is INSANELY busy: I have to get up super early and turn my very last paperwork in to the campus office, come back and immediately start my laundry, then cleancleanclean all day (bathroom, kitchen AND my room). Then I have to pick up Eric from the train station. I can't remember if I've already regaled all of you with these plans haha, but here they are again:-P There is true sadness in my heart that I am leaving this beautiful place; also that I haven't had as much time to do as much as I'd hoped. Still, that just means I'll have to be back! Even on my bike ride today, I imagined bringing my family back to Freiburg in the decades that come, sharing with them a little bit of me. That's how I feel: I am taking a little bit of Freiburg with me, and it's keeping a little bit of me for itself. Anyway, I must get moving; time to soak up as much as I can:)

Oh, how it's been so long/We're so sorry we've been gone.

I am EXHAUSTED so I will keep this semi-short. I am wrapping up my time in Germany, and it's heartbreaking and exciting and difficult and painful and amazing and nostalgic and a million other things. I still need to finish up my notes for a class and turn them in, and to sign myself out of the university and city. I am hoping to accomplish 2/3 of that tomorrow, and then sign out of the uni on Friday. Then this weekend I am going to go through all of my things and throw stuff out and pack, and then I'll be cleaning the kitchen and my room and head to Stuttgart with Eric, and then back to America! It's been such a flurry of a life over here, and I'm curious how I will feel when I'm back in Austin. I don't know if that's home anymore; I'm not sure I know where home is at the moment. But I am not worried; more excited. I'm still kind of reeling from the past month-and-a-week's events, but it gets a little bit easier every day. It was SO nice to have one of my best friends, Eric, visiting these past four days. He headed out to Berlin today (I AM SO JEALOUS) and, like I mentioned, will be back to travel to Stuttgart with me. He said something when we were taking in the scenery on the terrace that I have written in my personal journal many, many times: you really have to be here and experience this for yourself, because cameras and words cannot capture the true glory of it all. Pictures are good for memories, but the eye is the best thing to take it all in. In the four days Eric was here, we accomplished a lot! We explored the town on the first day, and he got to see where I have been studying. Then on the second day, we did our epic 3-hour bike ride through the mountains. Then we did some more exploring in the city, and he bought some really cool fashionable things that made me really want to explore my fashion sense a little more when I'm back in the states and not as poor as dirt. Then the next day was a relaxing hang-out day, and we had super-German cuisine for dinner, followed by a beer on the Dreisam (the river through the town) and a glass of wine at the student favorite, Schlappen. It was a real treat for me to be able to share with someone a glimpse of what I've been up to! Today, after I saw Eric off, I did laundry and played guitar and lazed about. I am hoping to get a ton of sleep tonight, finally. I am supposed to hang out with my roommate David and past-roommate Corinna - I am going to force myself to go, because I am seriously wasted physically so I'm only going to stay an hour or something. But I haven't hung out with David since the first or second month I was here, and he leaves for a vacation in Budapest on Friday, so I won't get to see him again:( As people start heading out, everything gets more and more real. Anywho, there's more floating around in my brain, but nothing coherent:-P For now, I will just say I love music SO SO SO much and am looking forward to really getting all these last little bits tied up so I can just RELAX.