All my mistakes have become masterpieces.

Hello, faithful readers! I know I haven't updated in quite some time, so I thought it might be a good time to check in. I think I have to start off with something heavier, because it just happens to be my reality -
As I think everyone who reads this will already know, I have an eating disorder. I compulsively overexercised my senior year of high school, and now I have binge eating disorder. I am, finally (and proudly!) in the stage of the disorder called recovery. There is no specific time frame for this stage; it is a conscious choice I have made. I know that my body image and food obsessions are actually not the underlying problems. They are the surface issues that cover the deeper emotional issues I have supressed for who knows how long. And there is also not just one issue that I have been avoiding; it's years and years of not being able to deal with feelings in a healthy way. Thus, now that I recognize this, and know that I need to deal with emotional issues as well as my coping mechanism (i.e. binging,) I can say I am in recovery. I must now faze out the automatic binge-mechanism I have when I feel something (not even necessarily something bad!) and trade it in for a healthy coping mechanism (of which there are numerous.) It is not NEARLY as easy as it sounds, because it's science - a pathway in my brain has been forged for years, and I'm fighting against it now. There is a lot more I could say, but I think this is a good basis of knowledge for the rest of my post.
The reason I just explained all of that is because the past two weeks have been hard. The strangeness of being in another country, the occasional feeling of loneliness and everything else that nobody ever talks about after they get back from their adventure (because, I promise you, I am going to rose-color-glass my experience when I get back to the states, and want to jump on the first flight back to Europe!!) I wanted to talk about this now, though, because it's important to remember the struggles. You learn from them. I think, originally, I had given myself the impression that coming over here would be the biggest struggle of my life, and that once I was successfully settled, I would be "over" my eating disorder because I'd realize how awesome I am. As much as I wish it was that simple, it just isn't. I can look at this as a HUGE achievement, it can encourage me, I can use it as an affirmation, but it isn't the switch that I get to turn and be all better with. However, the fact that I am learning SO MUCH over here is such a HUGE achievement, particularly because I'm away from my therapist and normal support system. I am so proud of myself for doing this, I am still excited when I see the mountains behind my apartment, and my friends here are still some of the coolest kids ever. But I have been struggling to notice the little things that I know I'll miss when I return. The little kids yelling in German, the trams, the recycling. All of it, I'm going to miss desperately. The way my bathroom is a little too small, and gets way too warm and so I just sweat all over again once I'm out. The way we don't have a dishwasher so everything is done by hand which makes it seem more personal. Playing guitar like I never have before (there is an open mic night on Thursdays at an Irish pub near campus. I am going to go there. That is my goal for myself before I leave - to play "No Surprises" by Radiohead at the Irish pub for open mic night.) I am quite good, by the way. And my voice is amazing. I might be a musician after all! I love my campus. It's beautiful. I love the random rainstorms. I love that I can take Swedish. I love that I bought a Bob Dylan lyric book with German translations of the more complicated words. I love this place. And time is flying, and I am going to miss it more than I can describe with words. I am just going to have to soak it all up as best as I can. I also need to take pictures of all of my friends! I know I haven't done that; I guess it just feels touristy now that I'm close with everyone. Actually, no - I'm just too lazy:-P But it'll happen. OK, enough for now - perhaps I will actually get some homework done!

Well I don't know if I'm wrong, 'cause she's only just gone.

This one's gonna be hard to summarize, because there is just TOO much that has gone on since my last post. Mostly, I will just skip ahead to London. But, a mini-recap of weeks past: I'm in classes now, and they are going pretty well. I'm not applying myself to Swedish the way I probably should, so that is a source of guilt but I'm trying to be easy on myself. This is my first semester where I am trying to embrace the idea that life isn't just a letter in a gradebook. Anyway, there was a May 1st celebration a while back (May 1st, go figure,) and that was excellent because there was tons of free live music out on the streets. It was also the first time I rode a bike around Freiburg, which was totally exhilerating. There's something really cool about standing around with pals in an outdoor techno-rave with fireworks being shot off behind you. I've started to run most mornings (more of a run/walk combo) and it is wonderful. There's a really beautiful area around this stream behind my neighborhood where I do it. The only problem is, I've started getting shin splints. So I need to stretch out better. My routine now includes unwinding each mealtime by streaming "How I Met Your Mother." I'm almost caught up to the current season. It's a ridiculously awesome show, and it's nice to be braindead for a while (it's an American sitcom, so the English is a nice break.) That's a nice taste of a few things I've been up to during the regular week; time to delve into my London adventures!!

Tuesday -
I had a relaxing morning of buying plane-sized toiletries, having a delicious frozen-pizza lunch, and then heading to the train station. I hopped onto the first train, and enjoyed the two hours of countryside (with one train connection in the middle!) I packed RIDICULOUSLY light, I only had my purse and my backpack. Then, when I arrived in Stuttgart, I needed to get from the train station to the airport. I knew already which Bahns I could use, but I couldn't find anywhere to pay! I looked around and asked someone, and there was just no answer. So. . .I just hopped on. I was nervous the WHOLE time because I really wasn't trying to break rules, I just was hoping that I could pay ON the Bahn itself, but I didn't see any place to do that. I managed to get all the way to the airport without incident, but I felt uneasy about the situation. On the bright side. . .perhaps this is karma letting me get my money back from the stupid ticket incident at the beginning of my time in Germany! Anyway, after I made it to the airport I was about 2 and a half hours early, so I had to wait half an hour to check in. Then I went up to my gate, and sat for 2 hours, reading and chilling out. Then we got to board the plane in the coolest way possible: our "gate" was actually a place where we all crowded on this big bus, and they bussed us out to the plane where we (hold your breath!) got to CLIMB UP those cool seperate steps like you see movie stars and presidents and people do!! That was really awesome:) Anyway, I went to my seat (I had pre-booked it, right in front of the wings by the window on the right side) and started to Sudoku. The flight was amazing, so beautiful (I'm really loving flying now, it's nuts!) It was only an hour and ten minutes, and I ended up talking to the two German guys sitting next to me. They were nice, and it was cool to be speaking a ton of German. I always can use the practice! Although it did throw me off for a while after I got off of the plane and everyone was talking to me in English:-P Anyway, we got to the London-Stansted airport, had to go through the border patrol, and then I was off to find the Stansted Express. The train had a really great route, I got to see both London countryside AND the city, and I was giddy the whole time. Then, when I got to the Liverpool St. Station, I hopped off, bought an Oyster card (pay-as-you-go card for bus and tube,) and grabbed the Hammersmith tube line to Hammersmith. Then I caught a taxi to my cousins' place! They live in Fulham county (if I understand all of that business correctly; it's all a little confusing with the different sections that are all a part of London!) and their home is BEAUTIFUL. Two stories, tons of space and even a nice backyard! Kristyn and Damian met me at the door and fed me a DELICIOUS salad (seriously, it was fantastic and I am actually craving one right now, as I am thinking about it.) I also got to see vacation pictures from their trip to New Zealand - so pretty! Then it was time for bed, and the bed was luxurious so I was out super fast.

Wednesday - Woke up leisurely, and headed out into Fulham with Kristyn and baby Theo (side note for Katherine - you would be 100% in love with Theo, he is one of those babies that are irresistable to a baby-lover like you:)) First, we went up to the Fulham Football club, and then around to a park along the river Thames. We ended up at the Fulham palace, where all of the bishops lived. It was gorgeous! The garden was particularly lovely, because the flowers were all blooming. I also got to see some allotments, which are basically plots people can rent to garden and grow their own veggies and stuff. Brilliant! Then we went over to the church where they filmed "The Omen." Super creepy, and some of the graves had these mummy-like tomb things... totally creepy. Some of them were even cracked:-/ Then we headed to a cafe where I had probably the best chocolate milkshake I've ever tasted. Then it was time to do some shopping! We went to a shop, looking for a dress (I was really hoping to find a "London dress" that would forever remind me of the city, but never was quite successful.) I tried some things on, and ended up leaving with only one item, one of the only two items I purchased during my entire stay: the most adorable pink umbrella with white polka dots and frills along the edge. It was one of those that opened up in a cap-shape, which I've always wanted, and it had a beautiful pink faux-leather handle. I loved, loved, loved that umbrella. We will get to why I am using past-tense in a while. But I needed to express the love I invested in the umbrella so it all makes sense later. Anyway, I needed an umbrella and that was the perfect one, so I got that and then we headed slowly back towards the house. As we walked up, Kristyn said, "Who is that guy standing by my house??" I didn't really know what she was talking about, until I saw Jason waving at me!! I was super excited and ran up for a hello-again hug. Hadn't seen him for an entire year! Anywho, the three of us (and baby Theo!) hung out for a few minutes and planned out our Friday rendevous, and then I grabbed my bag and we headed to Jason's parent's place. They live in Windsor, which was a little drive away, so Jason and I had some time to catch up. I almost forgot to mention, it was so weird the night before and again this time to get into a vehicle on the left side, and drive on the left!! You'd think I would have been expecting it so it wouldn't have been that strange, but to physically get into a car that way. . .weird. Anyway, the parent's home was quite beautiful, also two stories with a sizeable backyard. It was such a nice day that we ate outside. We had a fantastic stir-fry, quite good!! Then it was off to try and fit in some sight-seeing. We went to Windsor Castle, and it was just unbelievable. The size, the look. . .just incredible. We skipped along the road, literally, towards the castle. Oh, I just remembered - before we got to Jason's, we stopped off to buy some honey at this great local store. Really cool. Anyway, we were too late to do a castle tour, so we decided to go back the next day. We wandered around Windsor, had some ice cream along the river, and randomly ran into a friend of Jason's who invited us to a play that night. She put us on the guest list, so we had amazing seats FOR FREE. Gotta love that! Anyway, then as we were sitting on the river, we also go to hear this great guy Kenji (I think I'm spelling that right) play guitar. He did some Beatles covers, so of course I loved it. Then we also wandered over to the boy's school, which I can't remember the name of. It's pretty famous though. Something-or-other College, but it isn't a "college" like in the US. Anyway. It was neat to see the boys all dressed up, it made me feel like I was in Harry Potter:) Then we had dinner at a nice Italian place, and then we went to the play. It was called "Quartermaine's Terms," and it was OK. Not my favorite, but it was free and now I can say I've seen some London theatre! It was in the Windsor Royal Theatre, and the theatre itself was really lovely. The set was also stunning. Then we headed back in for the night!

Thursday - Back to Windsor to do the tour. I seriously felt like a little girl - all my princess dreams coming true:) The flag was raised, so we are thinking that means that the Queen was actually there! So crazy. My favorite parts of the tour were Princess Mary's dollhouse, which was SO detailed and lovely, and the grand ballroom. Everything, though, was just so breathtaking - the architecture, the history, everything. I don't even know how to describe it, except that everyone should go visit. One of the staffers was telling us that there is a music festival actually IN Windsor Castle every year. Man. How cool would it be to go to that?! And tickets are honestly really cheap for being able to go to Windsor and see music. Anyway, we also got to see the Cathedral and it was just as lovely. It was really great to sit where the choir usually sits, and they had some recordings of the choir for us and the boys sounded just amazing. Really beautiful. And, of course, a ton of royalty is buried there!! Then we grabbed some lunch, and some fudge for the road at this GREAT fudge store that I am already missing. Then we piled into Jason's car, and headed out for our road trip to Cambridge. The trip itself was AWESOME, albeit a lot longer than we anticipated. We had great chats, and listened to some great music (Damien Rice's "The Professor" and Twin Atlantic will now forever remind me of London and that trip.) When we got to Cambridge, it was already 7 so a lot of things were closed. That worked out for us, though, because we got to take (mostly) uninterrupted pictures of the incredible architecture there. We wandered around and chatted and laughed and had a generally amazing time. Grabbed some dinner in a nice place called BRB (we giggled) and then headed back out. We stopped off at a rest stop for bathroom-usage, and bought some "authentic" London candy (some Cadbury stuff you can only get in London.) We had some amazing conversation on the trip back, which was considerably faster than the trip out, and then went to bed.

Friday - My last day was my London inner-city day. We got up earlier than before, made sure everything was set for Jason's brother Ashley and our mutual pal Matt to bring my bag with them later, and hopped a train to the city. On the way to the train, though, we got to see the changing of the guards!! So cool. Tons of stuff to do at Windsor, I mean really!! I saw it all three days!! Anywho, grabbed the trains into London and went first to my favorite part of my entire trip, I think: Abbey Road. We did the obligatory street-crossing photo, saw the studio, graffitied on the post outside (apparently Sigur Ros had been there recently as well!!! HOW COOL!) It was just amazing. I was leaping and squealing the entire time. Amazing. Then we headed back to Baker Street (Sherlock Holmes' home) and grabbed some lunch. Vogue said that this place had the best pizza anywhere. I think the people at Vogue apparently don't get out much. But whatevs, food is food. Then we headed to the most touristy thing we did probably the entire time: Madame Toussaud's. It was SO much fun, albeit more crowded than anywhere on the planet, I think. I met Leo DiCaprio, Alfred Hitchcock, Sean Connery. . .busy day! Then we headed to a bus stop, where we hopped on a 15 and did our own personalized bus tour. At this point, we were already totally exhausted after so many full days, but we managed to see a TON. Trafalgar Square, the Court of Justices, the theatre district (London's "Broadway,") the super-famous cathedral whose name is escaping me (can you tell I'm still tired?) and ended at the Tower Bridge. We hoofed it all the way across and back, which was really cool, and then headed around to the London Tower. Then we hopped a bus back and got to see Big Ben on our way to the underground that took us to our final destination, the Regal Room. This is where we got to meet back up with the cousins and it was SUCH a fun night. We had some delicious food, chatted away for a while, and then got to see some really talented musicians play. I had a few favorites: there was one guy who sang in Greek and played super-quick guitar; reminded me a little of some of the stuff off of Paul Simon's "Graceland." So nice. I also really loved this one girl who played on stage with one other guitarist; her voice was absolutely chilling. And then Nick Tathum, who is a young guy from Dolcet with an incredible voice. His lyrics aren't always the most profound, but they are sweet. He also has (I'm going to misspell this, I already know) Turrett's, but when he starts to play all of the ticks go away!! It just solidified my view that music is crazy important and can be such a powerful force in a person's life. This was also when I got to see Matt again, Jason's drummer who I also hadn't seen for a year. The three boys (Jason, Ashley and Matt) all left early, which was a bummer but totally understandable as they were all exhausted. The cousins and I got back to the house at around midnight, and they were excellent enough to set up a cab for me the next day so I wouldn't have to worry about taking any train but the Stansted Express. They were amazing hosts, and I'm just sad I didn't have a lot more time to spend with them because I never even got to see the other two boys, Max and Oscar! It just means I'll have to visit again soon. Anyway, then I got ready for bed as quickly as possible. . .

Saturday - . . .and woke up at 4:15 am. Ouch. Painful as it was, I hopped in the shower and started to wake up. As I was doing my makeup, though, the can arrived so I had to rush to make sure I had everything, say a quick goodbye to Kristyn (everyone else was, rightfully, still asleep!!) and run out the door. The cab driver freaked me out by suggesting that they could be doing work on the Stansted Express line, but I stuck to my guns and asked him to take me to Liverpool St. Station. We passed the London Eye and Buckingham Palace (I think) on the way out, which was awesome because those were also things I wanted to see. Check! :) Then I grabbed a ticket for the Stansted Express, and hopped on at 5:40 to get to the airport. The check-in line for our plane at the airport was pretty long, but I got checked in. The woman asked if I had any baggage to check, and I said no. She asked if I had anything sharp in my backpack, and I said, "No, but I do have this umbrella. . ." Big mistake. She said, oh yeah, you need to check that in our fragile section. OK, I think. No problem. I check the umbrella, and head over to my gate. They ended up switching the gates on us, and the boarding was pretty late but despite all of that, we were still pretty well on time for departure and arrival! The flight was, again, quite lovely, and although I was exhausted, I knew I would miss London (and I do, so, so much.) When I arrived at the Stuttgart airport, the first thing I did was go to get my umbrella. Well. . .they lost it. It didn't ever turn up. 15 pounds (30 dollars) down the drain, but more importantly, an item that reminded me of London and had so much love and so many memories invested in it is now somewhere in Stuttgart or something. I am still kind of upset about it, just because it really did symbolize a lot for me. I was really upset and asked a bunch of people and went around in circles, but ultimately was told "sorry" and I headed to take the subway to the train station. I had a bunch of time before my train left, so I wandered around the Stuttgart train station for a bit. I looked to see if any of the shops carried cute umbrellas, but no luck. Then I hopped on the train when it arrived, and enjoyed the journey. The train was running late, so I literally had to sprint to my connection in Karlsruhe, but I made it and am now back! I'm exhausted from so much traveling, from sitting a ton, from not having exercised and from no sleep basically for an entire week. I'm also totally spoiled with English and a little lazy, kind of not wanting to speak German or do homework. But it's Sunday and I have quite a bit of Swedish to do, so I'm going to get on that and take it easy today. I'm trying to get back in gear, start speaking German again. But ultimately, my trip was just incredible and there are so many memories I couldn't fit in here because I just don't have the energy. Essentially, it was awesome, and my 3 hosts (Kristyn, Damian and Jason) all made it so much better. It was so nice to have 3 friends to spend my week off with! OK, time to make some lunch, watch some "How I Met Your Mother," and do some Swedish. I will try to post pictures or something in the near future, but there are a TON so maybe I'll just have to figure out a way to host them on a separate website.

Ein Leben ohne Ende.

Hiking on Saturday was BEAUTIFUL. My friend, Daniel, kind of went at light-speed, so I didn't have a LOT of time to admire the countryside, but now I know a path I can take this weekend if the weather is nice. I want to go take pictures, it's just so beautiful! Even though we were walking quickly, it took about 2 hours and we talked about politics and culture and other interesting things the whole time. Really great! He told me about a party that night, which I considered going to but it ended up being a pretty big dud so I skipped out. Instead, Michael and I went into town for an ice cream; we walked going into town, and then rode the tram back. Then, I got dressed up (in case I decided to go to the party) and went over to Michael's to meet his roommate and their friends. All were super awesome, I really enjoyed talking to them! Then I peered in at the party (it was in the Vaubar, right underneath Michael's apartment) and, as I said, there were about 10 people in there and I couldn't tell if I knew any, so I went home, a little disappointed not to have anything to do. Still, I was getting over my cold so I'm glad I didn't push it too much. Sunday, I really wanted to go into town for lunch, because I stupidly assumed SOMEone would want to do the same, but it was like pulling teeth trying to find someone to go with me. It ended up being Michael again, and we WALKED both ways, so tons of exercise there:-P Then, for dinner, my roommates made some wickedly-awesome lasagna (I helped a LITTLE, I guess,) and we all hung out which was wonderful. I'm always pretty quiet at these events, either because everyone speaks so fast that I can't really input anything, or else because they are talking about something (people, profs) I don't know about. Still, I got to know Corrina a little better, and she is SO cool. She's moving out today, heading to Berlin, and I'm really, really bummed we didn't have more time to hang out. This week, I have TONS of down time. Yesterday, my second class was cancelled so I only had my 2pm, and that allowed me to get to know Judith, who is a GREAT lady and is going to help me buy a local SIM card so that I can actually have a social life in Germany:-P I spent most of the rest of the day working away at the rest of my Swedish. This is going to be a super work-intensive course, but na ja. Das geht. Today, Swedish is the only course I have, so I'm meeting up with Maike (my tandem partner) at 1pm to do some tandem-ing, and then after my course this evening I'm finally meeting up with Maria again, which will be so nice because I adore her. We're grabbing ice cream, and then heading to a film club presentation. Sweet! Tomorrow, the only thing on tap is step aerobics at 5:30, so I hope to be really productive and get a big chunk of homework out of the way. Thursday, I have to get up at 7am ( :( ) so that I can go work with Aaron, but the upside is I will be receiving some payment for my toils. Hoorayyy! I'll work for three hours with him, meaning I'll be done by noon. That gives me the rest of the day to nap, perhaps go on my hiking adventure, and otherwise get more work done AND socialize. Hopefully. Thursday is a holiday here, which is why I can do all of these things. Anyway, then I have no classes Friday, giving me a real three-day weekend! I'm trying to decide if I want to attempt a mini-trip anywhere. We'll have to wait and see. Now that I am getting to know people here, I feel like I would prefer to stay and get to know them better. Anyway, I have to get moving, so that's all for now!

Alles sehen, dass du Angst hast.

It's been a week, and there is SO much to report! I'm hoping to go hiking soon, though, so I'm not sure how much time I have. Also I'm a little tired, so I'll just give a brief overview.

The International party on Saturday was kind of a bust - I have no idea how the party actually was (although I heard it was cramped,) but the *way* in which I did the party, e.g. running into another guy heading there, because both of us were lost, and then being intercepted by one of his international buddies and wandering around the city forever until I was a million blocks away from home and walked back and it was cold, was not so fun. However, I bucked up and somehow was brave enough to go to the Vaubar party, which was a party for my neighborhood. GREAT answer:) It was so much fun, I met some amazing people, and yeah - just a really great choice! The next day I kind of bummed around the house, terrified of the imminence of school starting the next day. And it started with a cold and rainy day, which is important because of my current condition (we'll get there.) I had my first class at 2pm, a course on 19th century American short stories. The prof is a little sketchy, but it should be my one super-easy course, so I'll take it. The next course was another English seminar on American Romanticism, and was SO much better. Jon Adams is going to be a fun prof to work with, I think (hope)! The next day I spent a lot of time with three of my international buddies, walking around in the raininess and coldishness, which was a bad choice because as the day went along, I could feel myself getting sick. Oh, crap. So Tuesday was my Swedish course, which is going to be super tough but super rewarding, I think. Wednesday, I went to a "Hauptseminar," which is basically like an easy grad course, I would imagine, and even though it was super interesting, I decided to drop it because I want to spend my time in Germany exploring the countryside and meeting people, not with my nose in a book (particularly an English book!) So, my Wednesdays are now going to be free, which means I intend to work on Wednesdays and then do my step aerobics class at night. I skipped step on Wednesday, though, in an attempt to get better. So, when I woke up on Thursday, I felt a lot better. Unfortunately, I then was stuck at school for most of the day. My German poetry lecture was SO difficult to understand, but since that's what I'm looking for, I'm sticking with it. Then I had my other course with Adams, where we will be PUBLISHING A BOOK holy poop!!! I'm so excited about this course:) Then Friday is another free-day, which is totally wonderful. Unfortunately, since I was out at school all day Thursday, I felt crappy again yesterday and spent the WHOLE day in my room. Boo. Thus, since it is a BEAUTIFUL day, I want to get out and hike. I think I will go check on my hiking buddy in just a few minutes to make sure he's still interested in going. I'm sure I just left out a TON of stuff, but I'm rushed and a little tired. Basically, I need to continue to take it semi-easy this weekend so I don't get super sick again for this upcoming week...being sick is awful. I still feel a little yucky today, but SO much better than before. OK, bye for now!

All of the while, all of the while it was you.

Quick recap of the past week:
Most days were filled with International Orientation stuff, which was a nice immersion in the German language. I met some neat people who I hope to run into tonight at our International Student party! I'm now pretty much all registered for courses at Freiburg, and I finally settled on my two german courses: one is meant for international students, and deals with Europe and Germany's relationship with the U.S. The other (get ready for it) is a beginner's Swedish course. I *just* discovered the course this morning, and dropped one of my english courses to take it. I'm SO excited, and nervous. It's an online course which I love, because there are 2 hours that are structured each week, and the other two hours are for self-paced learning. I did e-mail the professor to make sure that it was OK that I literally know ZERO Swedish, so we'll see what she says. Fingers crossed. I've already learned some Swedish in the language lab, though - Jag heter Caitlin, vad heter du? Sweeeet:) Anyway, one way or another, I'm learning Swedish. And then Norwegian, because the two are so closely linked. And THEN, when I get back home, French. Hellz yeah I'll be multilingual! And then probably Spanish because I need to get over this "everyone takes Spanish" snobbery and learn a very important language for my country. Anywho. The best day of this week, hands-down, was yesterday. Let us recap:
Friday, 18 April 08 -
I spent a lazy morning on the computer, and then got showered, for my lunch date with my tandem partner, Maike. We met up at the student cafeteria, the "Mensa," and spent an hour or so munching on salad and talking about life auf Deutsch. Then I told her that I wanted to go learn Swedish at the Sprachlabor, so she walked with me. When we got there, it was still closed and would be for an hour, so we went together to a big shop in town, Mueller, and bought school supplies. Then we went back to the Sprachlabor and said our goodbyes. Then I called dad, and spoke only in German. It was just coming so naturally, so I let it. Then, it was into the Sprachlabor to learn some Swedish. During my time in the lab, I got a call from a woman who I wanted to work for, but I missed it because my phone was on vibrate! This caused some panicking later, but we'll get to that. After almost 2 hours in the Sprachlabor, and a minute understanding of the Swedish language, I headed out. All of a sudden, I was totally drawn to the Bim-Bam music instrument store. I just couldn't help it, something was calling to me. I went in, and told the man (still in German!) that I wanted a guitar, and would also need a hard-case to transport it back to the U.S. He asked me my price range, and I said between 100 and 200 Euros. The first one he showed me was really nice, but I thought, there's no way this can be love at first sight, so after I strummed for a second, I put it back and looked around. There was another that was 30 Euro more, and I thought it was really nice and like the sound. But I just kept looking back at the first one, picked it up again, looked around the store, and realized this was it. It was my choice, and the guy had found my soulmate for me. Let me describe this guitar for everyone: it is a beautiful mahogony/blood-red color, with a deeper shading on the outside edges. Its surface is smooth and thick, and it's a Western-style acoustic, meaning it has a pick guard (that black squiggly-looking thing on some acoustics, for those unfamiliar with guitar terminology.) It is effing GORGEOUS and sounds so nice. I've already probably spent 2 or more hours strumming away, playing Pete Townshend's "Let My Love Open The Door," Sondre Lerche's "John Let Me Go," and Teitur's "Louis Louis." SO much fun. My fingers on my left hand ache, but I know I'm just rebuilding my callouses so I'll get used to it with practice. I'm just so happy with my purchase, and the men were kind enough to lend me a soft-case until they get some hard-cases in. Now I'm supposed to come in every week until they get some cases in:) So I carefully took my guitar back to my room, and then strummed away happily. However, then I was really nervous about my missed call from my potential boss, because it was three hours later and she hadn't left a message or called again. Her number was one of those unlisted ones, so I felt totally screwed. HOWEVER, *right* as I was about to go retrieve a Capo from Maike, I got a call. I got the job!! I'll be spending 3-4 hours a week with a 5-year-old boy, Aaron, teaching him English words. 8 Euro an hour, thank you very much. AND, because it's only one day a week, I can even look for another job!! Mo' money, mo' fun. I need money, too. Life here is expensive, and I really am being SO good but it's just the darned exchange rate. So I'm hoping this job will help me go to both Great Britain AND Sweden/Norway/Scotland in August. Speaking of which, that's one thing that hasn't fallen into place: I still haven't heard back from the cousins in London, so I'm a little worried about things getting more expensive the longer I wait. I may just start looking into youth hostels in London, or maybe just stay with Jason the whole time and we can do some kind of excursion up into London. I'll talk to dad tomorrow and ask him what he would suggest. Then, after my wonderful guitar purchase, my learning of Swedish and my job-acquiring, I made myself some delicious dinner (stir fry!) and joined some friends at a bar. It was a really great day:) And today = super lazy, with two parties tonight to meet more people and practice my German, and then tomorrow I will clean my room and the kitchen, and make sure I'm all ready for my first day of school on Monday! I'm also taking a step aerobics class on Wednesday, which I'm SUPER psyched about, because I've missed working out. Today is a pretty nice day, so I'm considering going for a run. I'm just nervous I'll get lost:-P We'll see, we'll see. Anyway, that's all I feel like writing about for now, but Skype me or e-mail me if you want more details!!

Trust me, I trust you.

Koeln. Where to begin, where to begin. I suppose, at the beginning.

Thursday -
I wake up at 6:45, shower, and double-check my packing to make sure I have everything. I leave incredibly early, just to be extra sure that I don't miss the train/know where I'm going, and all of that jazz. I find my Gleis (track) easily and sit in the cold rainy-ness for about an hour, but it's peaceful so I don't mind too much. I also grab a Butterbretzel (buttered pretzel) and Mineralwasser for my breakfast - not as healthy as I had hoped, and way too expensive, being at the train station and all, but it worked. Finally my train comes, and because I reserved a seat in a glass cab in the train, I feel super European. Traveling in my own compartment to Koeln, all by myself! I scoot towards the window, and a man sits across from me and a young woman on my left. Then a boy about my age joins and sits next to the man. Mostly, I ignore them and stare out the window. I wrote a poem (a really, really good one, I think) and did some other writings, read "The Alchemist" (not quite finished yet, but it's brilliant,) and gazed out the window. On the third or fourth connecting stop, a heavyset woman came in with her fat, ugly dog that smelled, and I was sad to be in a separate compartment. Luckily, my connecting stop in Mannheim was close, so I wasn't stuck in there for long. The woman was also very loud and kept asking everyone questions, but I pretended to be so interested in my book that I was able to keep out of the conversation. Then I got off in Mannheim, and the Gleis for my next train was the same. I stood for only ten or so minutes, and then the train that would take me to Koeln came! This time, I didn't have a compartment, and I certainly did not care. I had two hours of travel left, and I found that the regular second-class seats were quite spacious. I had my part all to myself, and across the aisle to my left was a large window. As we took off towards my stop, we drove along the Rhine. This, I have decided, is one of my favorite places in the entire world. Little towns sitting in the valleys of giant mountains, with Rhine river hugging the outskirts - it was so cozy, I just wanted to hop out right there and live there forever. The water was so beautiful, and everything was green, and atop one of the hills, someone had spelled out in some crop or other for train passengers, "LEBE VEGAN!" which means live vegan. It was heaven. I wrote this in my journal that I had with me on the train, and I think it is appropriate to include here: "No book, no picture, no second-hand description can take the place of seeing this magical countryside." I think every single person in the whole world should travel, because these things will imprint themselves on your mind, and they will change you. When we arrived in Koeln, I was excited and nervous. I wandered out of the train station into the city, where it was a cool but sunny day. Immediately, directly to my right, stood the Dom, Koeln's breathtaking cathedral (of course I have a million pictures, which I will post later.) It seemed to reach up forever, and the architecture was so incredibly intricate - great! I went to where all of the taxis stood, and grabbed the first available one I could. He zipped (and REALLY zipped) over to my hostel, where I checked in and headed to my 8-person room. There were only two people actually in the room when I entered; Matt, the Canadian, and Thomas, the Frenchman. I chose a bed directly to the left of the door, and since they were bunked, I went for the bottom, because I always hate climbing bunk beds and feeling like I'm inconveniencing people. I stored my luggage, made sure everything was safe, talked briefly with Matt, and headed out. I decided that this first day, I didn't mind exploring on my own. I headed to one of the main streets near the hostel, and decided food was the most important thing I could take care of - it was 2pm, and I was SO hungry!! I found a nice Italian place that was pretty cheap, and went in. I seated myself, and the waitress brought me stuff. I had purchased a map of Koeln at the hostel, so since I was eating alone, I pondered that for a while. But some times, I didn't do anything; just sat, watched, and was. It was a strange, and slightly uncomfortable, experience, but it really was not that bad and the waitress was extra nice. The food was pretty good; I have had better, but I was hungry so it worked. However, about 5 or 6 bites in, I found a hair. I was grossed out, lost my appetite, and was actually pretty full before then anyway, so I decided that was enough. The waitress asked (in German) if anything had been wrong, and she was so nice and I really didn't want more food so I just said, it tasted great, I'm just really full! I paid and headed out, towards the Stadtgarten. I wanted to figure out where Peter Moren was playing on Saturday, particularly where it was situated in terms of the hostel. It was easily within walking distance, and I was pleased. I wandered around the park for a moment, and a little german boy wandered up to me (he was maybe 2) and handed me some peanut-shaped cracker. I thanked him, and he gave me another, and I thanked him again and laughed. I headed towards his mom and gave them back and said he was very, very cute. We said goodbye, and I headed on. Then I decided that it was still early, so I wandered towards the Dom. It was pretty far (I'm horrible at distance-judging, but maybe half a mile?) I enjoyed the peace, though. When I got there, I decided to inquire about an ad I saw for this goofy-looking choo choo train that went to the chocolate museum. I knew that the museum closed at 6pm, and it was only 4 so I thought I had time. I went into the tourist station, and asked, and the woman pointed out the train stop for me. I thanked her, and went and waited. As I waited, I looked up again at the Dom, because the stop was right next to it. I took some pictures, and then noticed some of those cool people-statues (where people stand in various clothings and pretend to be statues, and then move to freak people out.) It was really, really cool!! There was an Egyptian mummy one, another that actually looked like she was bronze, and two that looked like Renaissance-era people. Tres cool. Finally, at 4:45, the train showed up, and I was the ONLY person who got on. The guide still did his spiel, but it was definitely a little awkward. I kept thinking of dad, though, and how he would say, "How cool! You have it all to yourself!!" So that's how I looked at it, and it was fun. When we arrived at the museum, it was 5:02, and I thought, wonderful! An hour to explore. However. . .they stop the tours at 5. I had JUST missed the last one. Disappointed, I thought, eh, I'll come back or not, whatever. I went into the shop and bought some truffles, and then headed back out to catch the train back. At this point, I was pretty tired, so I walked the half-mile back to the main street, and then walked toward a REWE (grocery store) I had seen. I went in and bought a half-baguette, a cola and some Alpenbutter, and headed toward the hostel. I went downstairs to eat my feast, and it was quite good. Then, I went back to my room to relax and get to bed early, so I could have a full day the next day. More people were in the room, which was wonderful. Tegan, from Australia, was super nice, and we started talking with Matt and got to know each other. A blonde guy was sitting under Thomas, but I didn't catch his name at the time. There were two American guys who were studying in France, and just doing some traveling, but there weren't enough beds, so they went to the front and the hostel worker realized they had put the blonde guy in the wrong room. He left, and then the American guys left with Thomas and Rafael (another guy from France) to go out. I climbed into bed, and fell asleep.

Friday -
The next morning, I woke up when Lily (from Portugal) got up, since she was in the bunk above me. It was earlier than I had wanted to get up, but I figured it would be nice to get a shower before the rest of the people in my room were awake. I went to breakfast with her, Tegan and Matt, and it was really nice. The blonde guy from the day before came over to see if Tegan wanted to go out with him that day, and she said sure. As we were talking, I asked Tegan if she could come with me and Lily (and of course the blonde fellow was invited,) and she said sure, depending on how he felt about that. He was cool with it, and it was decided. I learned from Tegan that his name was Mitchell and that he was also from Australia, so I thought that was cool. The four of us set out to do the Dom, and we walked the half-mile there, jabbering on. Mitchell and I talked about music (hooray!) and I invited Tegan to spend some time with me in Freiburg, if she ever got the chance. When we got to the Dom, we paid for our ticket and began the IMMENSE ascension (Mitchell joked that the steps actually went to heaven.) After what seemed to be endless winding upward, we made it to the very top. It was absolutely gorgeous, and totally worth all of the work. We slowly worked our way around, taking tons of pictures of the city, the Rhine, a dead bird (I did not partake in that one) and everything else we thought was worth remembering. The architecture in Koeln is really interesting, because some of it is really classic, and a lot of it is super-modern. Then after we had rested, we headed down - it was considerably quicker. We headed next (after a quick bite to eat) to the Ludwig museum, where there was a lot of pop art being showcased. Andy Warhol, Lichtenstein, all those guys and more. We spent a LOT of time there, because that place is huge! It was really great, though, and I love pop art so for the most part, I was really entertained. I think, collectively, our favorite exhibit was a trailer for a movie with people like Courtney Love, Gerard Butler, and Forgot-her-first-name Jahovavich. "Caligula." SO tacky!! It was to be the punchline to many of our later jokes that day. Then we headed over on the boardwalk to the chocolate museum, which was OK but quite a let-down from what we had expected. We only got to taste a small square of chocolate, and one crisp-stick that was pre-dipped in the chocolate fountain. Boo. My favorite parts of the museum were the random greenhouse with cacao, coffee, pineapple and other plants and trees, and the assembly line. After this, we were all extremely tired and hungry, so we went to an Italian place and had DELICIOUS food. Afterward, on the way back to the hostel, Mitchell decided he wanted to see a movie, "Die Welle," that night, and because Uli had already recommended it to me, I though it sounded like a great idea (since, before I met people, I thought I might see a movie that night anyway.) We dropped off the others back at the hostel, and then met back up again for the movie. Mitchell is GREAT. It's not that we have everything in common (like, for instance, I do with Katherine,) and of course we aren't even from the same parts of the world, but something just clicked and I felt really close to him immediately. He's nice and funny and interesting, and those kinds of people are the best. Anyway, we saw the movie, which was brilliant and intense, and then went back to the hostel and talked politics until 3am. Awesome.

Saturday -
The next day, I wanted to sleep in as late as possible. I made it to noon, and then leisurely got up and showered. That was also the first time I really talked to Thomas, which was nice because he is also very cool. I decided I was starving, so I went out to grab something to bring back to the hostel. I went to the same bakery I had gone to before, in the REWE store, and I was only second in line. Good, I thought. Then, two different middle-aged women cut around to the left side of me. I thought they were probably trying to cut the line, but I thought, that's OK! The helper lady saw me standing here, she'll know. Too bad I misjudged her kindness - she kind of scowled at me, and then turned the the first lady with a smile and asked her what she wanted. I was pretty upset, particularly when she saw the second lady first. But I was hungry and this was cheap, so I waited. Finally she waited on me, without a word - just looked at me. I told her what I wanted, and was as chipper as possible, and then she set the things on the counter, said "Danke schoen," and turned away. *I* unassumingly thought I would have to pay at the REWE counter again, but then as I was walking away, I heard a loud, "HALLO! HALLO!!" I turn back, and the lady is looking at me like she just saw me eat a child or something. I said (in German,) oh I'm sorry, I thought I was supposed to pay over there. She said, of course not!! I make these things, you naturally pay me, my God. I was so, so angry. But whatever, I paid her and then left. RAWR. I was frustrated at her (and the other older ladies') rudeness, but I am currently trying to convince myself that this is not a typical thing, just these women. Anyway. I went back to the hostel, ate, and then went up to my room to read and rest until it was time to meet Mitchell for dinner. (I forgot to mention, Tegan had moved out that morning with a lot of other people, so I didn't get to hang out with her that day.) I vaguely remember taking a nap, and watching a horrible german soap opera, and then it was dinner time! I met up with Mitchell and since it was still only 5, we decided to walk around for a while. We wandered toward the Stadtgarten, under a bridge, to another section of the Stadtgarten, and back around again. All of a sudden, music started playing and people with face paint, masks, and other colorful clothing starting wandering down a main Koeln street and took it over!!! They were blocking the auto traffic, because they were protesting it (one of the signs said something like, "reclaim the streets"). It was AWESOME! At first, I just stood to the side, watching (Mitchell jumped right in and wandered down the street) because I thought, what if the police arrest me and I'm sent home or something?? But then Mitchell basically said that I had to take a chance and go for it, so he pulled me out into the street and it was AWESOME. There were fire-breathers, baton twirlers, clowns on bikes, and all kinds of other crazy things. It was so nice also to see so many young people (the average age was definitely 21 or around there) standing up for something. Stupendous. Then it was getting late, so we went to another Italian place and talked a ton more about everything, really. Then it was time for me to go to my concert, so we said our goodbyes, not knowing if we'd see each other again. I headed up the street to the Stadtgarten, and when I arrived, I was the only person there yet for the concert. I was only 30 minutes before the doors, so I really didn't know what to expect. I sat by myself for those 30 minutes, waiting to get in and hear some great music. When the doors did open, I was the first inside, and only two guys followed in after me. It was nuts, and I was sad because I wanted Peter to have a big audience (and also didn't want to look creepy, standing pretty close to the stage, directly in the center.) Luckily, after an hour had passed (and we were all still waiting,) the room was a little fuller. I doubt more than 40 people ended up being there, though. Meh, nobody knows what they are missing. So at around 9:30 the opener, Tobias Froberg (also from Sweden) went on and he was adorably hilarious and extra talented. I love his voice and lyrics. A lot of his songs really hit home in different ways, and it was just great. Then, for the last two songs, Peter came out to join!! My knees got a little weak, not gonna lie. Anyway, they were just fantastic (p.s. in case I haven't mentioned before, this is Peter Moren from Peter Bjorn and John.) Then, after Tobias was done, there was only a ten-or-so minute intermission, and Peter and Tobias both came back out (Tobias was Peter's backup band.) I don't remember EVERYthing that happened during the concert, but I will jot down highlights - Peter said he studied German in school, but all he could really say was "Ich bin ein Dummkopf, und ich habe Angst, and that about sums it up!" So funny. One (out of the four or so) encores they played included Buddy Holly covers, and to introduce them, Peter said, "I don't know a lot about Texas. Even though I keep going back to South by Southwest, I just don't know anything about it, except Buddy Holly and Stevie Ray Vaughan!!" Anyway, even though I know he was just doing his spiel, in my heart it was a mini-shout-out to me. You are allowed to laugh at me for this. Also, Peter played ALL of my favorite songs. He opened with "This Is What I Came For," my absolute favorite off of the new solo album. It's six verses and just perfect. "My Match" became a new favorite because of how beautiful it sounded live. "Paris 2004" off of PBJ's latest album is always great, and then - the best thing ever - there was "Objects of My Affection." It is, without a doubt, my favorite Peter Moren-written song ever, and perhaps even my favorite song of all time. Certainly in college. Anyway, it was brilliant. And they played all kinds of stuff, like an Elvis cover, and A-Ha's "Take On Me," and just everything. It was beautiful and moving and I was so happy I went. Afterwards, I immediately rushed out to buy both Tobias' album and a hard-copy of Peter's, as well as a lyric booklet. The booklet was hand-made, with handwritten lyrics photocopied onto special pictures of Peter, and they are all signed, dated and numbered, because there are only 200. I have number 7, thank you very much. Then, as I was paying for my things, Peter and Tobias showed up!! I turned to him, and said, "Hey there!" and he said, "Hey!!" I said, "I promise I'm not just following you, I'm actually studying in Freiburg right now." He said, "Oh that's great!! Wait, where are you studying?" "Freiburg, down south." "Oh, yeah! Great!" "Your show, as always, was just brilliant, just great." "Thank you!" *interruption as I pay for my stuff* "Do you mind signing my CD for me?" "Oh, of course!" "Actually, maybe just the booklet." (I realized the CD was all wrapped up.) "Yeah, sure! Ok, now forgive me, but I forgot your name." "Oh, psh, I mean, of course, don't - yeah, no." (This was supposed to be, "Don't worry about it, I certainly don't expect you to just remember *my* name.") "It's Caitlin, C-A-I-T-L-I-N." "Alright!" "Well thank you so much, and good luck with everything!" "Yeah, thanks!" "See you around, hopefully!" "See you!" And that's how it went. For the curious, he signed my booklet, "TO CAITLIN! A PROPER FAN!" Hooray:) So yes he remembers *me* and I don't care if he forgets my name, me is enough. Anyway, it was only just before midnight, so after I bought a water and sipped on that for a while, I headed back home. When I got back, I turned on the TV for while I got ready for bed, but then all of a sudden four new people come in to the hostel. They are all girls, and all speaking English. Two of them climb into bed, and one is sobbing, and the other is trying to comfort the sobbing girl. I, mostly, am uncomfortable. I sit on my bed, just about to go in to the bathroom and get ready to sleep, but the sobbing girl goes in there. Then the girl who was trying to comfort her starts talking to me, and explains that they are all from California, they were traveling today and got wasted and the sobbing girl lost her Eurorail pass because they were all wasted. Classy, I think. But the semi-sober one seems nice enough, so whatever. My pal Thomas came in and invited me to the hostel's bar, and I thought, yeah, I'll get out of here for a minute so that when I come back, they'll all just be asleep. So I say bye to the sober girl, who says, yeah, we'll all be asleep when you get back so no worries. Good, I think. I set my PJ's on my bed, my clothes for Sunday are nicely folded on my suitcase, my valuables are locked in a locker, and the rest of my stuff is safely zipped in my suitcase. I head to the bar, and happily, Rafael, Mitchell, and a new guy are there with Thomas. We talked for two hours, and it was wonderful. The new guy's name was Matt, and he was very nice. He is originally from the U.S. but now resides in Canada. Anyway, I was given a free shot of Jagermeister in honor of Thomas' birthday, which at that point was the day before. It was pretty gross, but it was an experiment. It wasn't as strong as the sip of Hungarian stuff I had when I went to Seita's friends the week before. Anyway, they all decide they want to go clubbing, and I think ugh it's 2am! No way! But Mitchell pulls his "live a little" motto, and I decide, what the hey, I'll go and then get a few hour's sleep before I have to catch my train. We went to a place called "Subway," and it was a lot of fun. We danced like crazy and just had a blast. I left before the others, when it was 4am, because I knew I wanted to get at least a little sleep. So, I headed back and went into my room. Here begins my unbelievable tale. One of the Californians is passed out in MY bed. Oh great, I think. I try to shake her awake, but she is totally passed out and only turns over on her other side. Perfect, I think. My PJs are in the bed, and I at least need them before I leave the next morning! Whatever, I think, I'll deal with it after a little bit of sleep. I make up the upper bunk bed, because it's free, and then I start to pick my things up off of the floor (my clothes for tomorrow, specifically.) Oh. My. God. THEY ARE WET. My mind races. Please, God, let this be water or something. No. It's. Her. PISS. I was FURIOUS. This drunk Californian BITCH peed on my stuff!!!! I was so, so mad. Her friend kind of moved, and I said, "Do you know that girl?" The girl, still messed up, goes, "I dunno, I can't really see." I said, "Well, she is in MY bed, and peed on MY things!!" The girl, now more awake, says, "Oh, her name is Alison." I don't care, of course. I rush out, furious, to the main desk so I can get a hostel worker to help me. I explain what has happened, and he has this look of disbelief on his face. He says, "I'm so sorry, they were really messed up when they arrived but this is crazy." He comes into my room with me, and HE tries to wake her with no luck. At this point, the other girls wake up. The semi-sober one goes, "What's going on?" I angrily say, "Your friend is in MY bed and pissed on MY things." She goes, "Oh, shit!!" and comes over to get the girl out of the bed. My PJs, of course, are soaked. Ugh. The hostel worker says I can wash my clothes for free, and gives me some towels to wipe down my suitcase. I go put my stuff in the washing machine, and then call Scott and cry. Then I decide I want to go upstairs and wait for my friends to get back from the club. They do, and I tell them what happened, and nobody can believe it. They wait up with me for a while (Mitchell stays with me the longest, until 6am) and then we say our final goodbyes and I decide to just wait up until my train comes. It was a nightmare. But, after I got my things out of that room and checked out, I started to reflect on the whole trip and realized I still wished it could be longer, because it was SO amazing. As I walked away from my taxi, past the Dom, it began to rain a little, and I felt somehow refreshed. I mean, at least the very worst things that could possibly happen to me (a ticket and the pee-incident) have happened. I can't think of anything that could be much worse! The train home was nice, uneventful, and I managed to get two small 30-minute naps in. The countryside was still gorgeous. I would have enjoyed it more if I had been showered and awake, but it was still so beautiful. When I got home Sunday, I immediately showered and then slept for a while. Then, when I got up, I went out to dinner with my pal Seita and told her the story, and we both laughed about it. Then, before I headed home, I grabbed some Eis and listened to some street musicians play some gypsy-esque music. Perfect.

So, ultimately, my trip to Koeln was one of the best times I've ever had, and I wouldn't change a thing. I really hope I can stay in contact with my new friends. Now I'm doing Orientation week, which is so far quite boring, but hopefully I will meet even more amazing people:) I want to write more, but I have to get to REWE and get some cleaning supplies and food, and then go to Uli's for dinner! Also, bis spaeter, ciao:)

Picture post!

Muenster!! So beautiful. The Virgin Mary is one of my favorite religious figures, so there are a lot of depictions of her here.
The main crucifix area behind the priest's altar.

Randomly out of order: My kitchen!!! Most of this stuff belongs to my roommates, seeing as I haven't been here that long:-P
More kitchen! So pretty:)
Back to the Muenster.
This was my favorite spot in the entire church. It's a super-intricate (which you can't tell quite as well from my flashed-picture) altar to the Virgin Mary, and I donated some money and lit one of the candles, like I said in my post. This was a really moving area for me.
One of the paintings (small) at one of the numerous confessionals. I could have taken a million pictures here, EVERYTHING was intricate.

My room!! I have drei Teppiche (three rugs) now, so it looks way more homey. Also I have my Cactii:)
Closet!
Book shelf!
Desk!!
The view out of my large window. I love how colorful my neighborhood is!!

I also really love the view out of my tiny window, but the day I took pictures it was really foggy, so I will wait until it clears up and then I'll take some more. I can see the Black Forest all around, it's great:)