All my mistakes have become masterpieces.

Hello, faithful readers! I know I haven't updated in quite some time, so I thought it might be a good time to check in. I think I have to start off with something heavier, because it just happens to be my reality -
As I think everyone who reads this will already know, I have an eating disorder. I compulsively overexercised my senior year of high school, and now I have binge eating disorder. I am, finally (and proudly!) in the stage of the disorder called recovery. There is no specific time frame for this stage; it is a conscious choice I have made. I know that my body image and food obsessions are actually not the underlying problems. They are the surface issues that cover the deeper emotional issues I have supressed for who knows how long. And there is also not just one issue that I have been avoiding; it's years and years of not being able to deal with feelings in a healthy way. Thus, now that I recognize this, and know that I need to deal with emotional issues as well as my coping mechanism (i.e. binging,) I can say I am in recovery. I must now faze out the automatic binge-mechanism I have when I feel something (not even necessarily something bad!) and trade it in for a healthy coping mechanism (of which there are numerous.) It is not NEARLY as easy as it sounds, because it's science - a pathway in my brain has been forged for years, and I'm fighting against it now. There is a lot more I could say, but I think this is a good basis of knowledge for the rest of my post.
The reason I just explained all of that is because the past two weeks have been hard. The strangeness of being in another country, the occasional feeling of loneliness and everything else that nobody ever talks about after they get back from their adventure (because, I promise you, I am going to rose-color-glass my experience when I get back to the states, and want to jump on the first flight back to Europe!!) I wanted to talk about this now, though, because it's important to remember the struggles. You learn from them. I think, originally, I had given myself the impression that coming over here would be the biggest struggle of my life, and that once I was successfully settled, I would be "over" my eating disorder because I'd realize how awesome I am. As much as I wish it was that simple, it just isn't. I can look at this as a HUGE achievement, it can encourage me, I can use it as an affirmation, but it isn't the switch that I get to turn and be all better with. However, the fact that I am learning SO MUCH over here is such a HUGE achievement, particularly because I'm away from my therapist and normal support system. I am so proud of myself for doing this, I am still excited when I see the mountains behind my apartment, and my friends here are still some of the coolest kids ever. But I have been struggling to notice the little things that I know I'll miss when I return. The little kids yelling in German, the trams, the recycling. All of it, I'm going to miss desperately. The way my bathroom is a little too small, and gets way too warm and so I just sweat all over again once I'm out. The way we don't have a dishwasher so everything is done by hand which makes it seem more personal. Playing guitar like I never have before (there is an open mic night on Thursdays at an Irish pub near campus. I am going to go there. That is my goal for myself before I leave - to play "No Surprises" by Radiohead at the Irish pub for open mic night.) I am quite good, by the way. And my voice is amazing. I might be a musician after all! I love my campus. It's beautiful. I love the random rainstorms. I love that I can take Swedish. I love that I bought a Bob Dylan lyric book with German translations of the more complicated words. I love this place. And time is flying, and I am going to miss it more than I can describe with words. I am just going to have to soak it all up as best as I can. I also need to take pictures of all of my friends! I know I haven't done that; I guess it just feels touristy now that I'm close with everyone. Actually, no - I'm just too lazy:-P But it'll happen. OK, enough for now - perhaps I will actually get some homework done!